Desire ♡ Jungkook/Reader FF ♡ Completed ♡

I lied

Jin's POV

This heartbreak feels cold. It feels like concrete drying in my chest. This heartbreak was unexpected, as they always are - top of the world one minute and cut down the next. Why is that?  I can't live without Y/N, she's the one for me but Jungkook deserves his chance.

Jungkook was probably with her now, once my brother left the house my mind and heart were thrown into turmoil.

I lied to him, I told him that he was in love with Y/N and that my love didn't run as deep.

Such a huge fucking lie.

I loved her just as much, just as deeply. I was so angry when he accused me of not really knowing her, that I didn't know her different smiles.

Of course I knew them.

I just didn't tell him that because I wanted to make his decision easier, if Jungkook was aware of my true feelings this would make everything much more difficult and after my betrayal and the way my heart ached when Jungkook said he was disappointed in me....this was the right thing to do. I was selfish, I did something terrible and now must suffer with the consequences. I must give up the woman I love for my brother, that was the right thing to do....the honourable thing to do after my selfish actions.

I would allow Jungkook to have this time with her, then she can make her choice. If she comes back to me, if she still for some crazy reason wants me....then what? Do I return her feelings, or does the guilt at how I obtained her heart force me to turn her away into the arms of my younger brother.

I couldn't stand how suffocating this was, I needed to leave the house and take a walk.

I somehow ended up at the park, not just any park. It was the park Y/N loves, the park where we first had lunch together under the cherry blossom.

As the light fades to black, the colours of the grass and leaves remain in my mind almost like a fragrance. The park becomes ever more silvery between the shadows that stretch out as if yawning. Soon the shadows of the trees will blend into the blackness and their silhouettes against the sky will grow less pronounced. As the view disappears the sounds emerge as if the volume is being steadily turned upward. The breaking of a simple leaves or twigs becomes the focus of my attention. I detect the loam fragrance in the autumnal breeze and glance upward to catch a glimpse of the moon before a dark cloud erases its precious silver rays.

I take a seat at the same bench we enjoyed our lunch that day and tell myself to snap out of this ridiculous mood, I put myself in this position and now must deal with it.

There's a reason love is invisible, undetectable with anything but our minds. We aren't evolved enough to be trusted with it. We'd try to engineer it, alter it, use it, weaponize it. Aren't there always great reasons to do immoral acts? Or are they excuses to allow us to follow our more basic desire for dominance? Power addiction is always the wrong route to escape fear. The only way to understand love is to feel it, embody it, embrace it.

Fuck....I've embraced it and I don't want that feeling to stop.

When it feels hardest to give love, it is the most important moment to give without measure.

I loved Y/N, I loved her regardless of everything but knowing Jungkook was with her right now.....talking with her....touching her.

It's driving me crazy.

I know Y/N, I know the woman she truly is and she would never betray me. I know she's hurt and confused, I'm well aware she has feelings for both my brother and I but she would stay faithful to me until we had the chance to talk. I just hope this doesn't drive us all apart.....

I love Y/N but I love my brother too.

Jungkook is my safety, he's my shelter when the storm winds rise to fever pitch. My heart relies on, runs to him. Whenever I'm lost...shattered, he puts the pieces back together with love only a brother can give. I failed him, I should do the same for him yet betrayed him in the worst possible way.....I don't deserve his forgiveness.

I'm a mess, I've done so much wrong and now there's a possibility I could lose the two people who mean the most to me.