Unpredictable (A Lashton Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-Six - Plane Flights & Traffic Jams.

*Ashton’s POV*

I was so used to having to get up at early hours of the day that I wasn’t even fazed when Luke lightly tapped my shoulder at five-thirty the next morning. “Wake up, sunshine. Our plane leaves in two hours.”

            I was still completely exhausted, being as I didn’t actually get to sleep until after midnight last night, but I was also surprisingly ready to face the day. We had a concert tonight—a televised one, may I add—and since I hadn’t been behind my drum set in almost a week, I was more than excited. I loved performing; I loved the energy, I loved the crowds, but more than anything I loved watching Luke. He was always so intense and focused, so much so that it tended to distract me from my drumming at times. I didn’t mind, though. It was just another thing that I loved about him.

            After laying there for a few seconds I remembered I hadn’t even started packing yet, and that realization made me jump out of bed, grab my pile of clothes from beside the closet, and take a shower that barely lasted two minutes. I quickly changed into my normal outfit of ripped jeans and a shirt with way too many holes in it and ran a comb through my hair that was, upon close inspection, in desperate need of a trim before putting the rest of my belongings back into my oversized suitcase.

            Luke took slightly longer than I did to get ready, and even though I was used to it by now, I still couldn’t understand why he was always so unsatisfied with his appearance. He was beyond perfect and beyond gorgeous, and I would give anything to make sure he sees that and never thinks differently. Of course, I had the same problem when I first joined the band, but thanks to Luke and his ever-present reminders of how apparently ‘flawless’ I was, my self-consciousness had all but disappeared.

            Those issues might have gone, but I still sometimes struggle with emotional problems that I guess you could call borderline depressive. I always feel like people see the worst in me and the fans are never truly satisfied with me or what we do as a band, which in part comes from my tendencies to always go through the ‘bad side’ of social media. I, for some reason that I can’t exactly explain, all but ignore the good and loving things people are saying about me and instead focus on the hundreds of hateful tweets and comments that I get almost every day. Most of them are the same—they say I can’t sing, or that I’m a terrible drummer—but I’ve learned not to let those bother me. The ones that catch my eye and make me feel completely and utterly worthless are those that say I don’t deserve to be in a successful band or that I’m ‘easily replaceable’. To hear and see people saying that about me breaks my heart, especially coming from our so-called ‘fans’. I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today—we all have—and I should’ve known when we became more famous that there wouldn’t always be people that loved or appreciated what we were doing in the music industry, but it still hurts when we get put down.

            Luke can always tell when something’s on my mind, and so it doesn’t take long once I get in a bad mood or get down about something for him to rush over and make me feel better again. He makes me feel like I actually have a purpose here in this world, and that’s something that I never felt before I joined this band. When I say he saved my life, I mean it. I probably would’ve given up a long time ago if it wasn’t for him. He needs me as much as I need him and that’s why, even when I read things that make me feel like I shouldn’t, I always hold on.  

            I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn’t even notice Luke was standing behind me until he threw his arms around my shoulders. “What are you thinking about so intently?”

            “You,” I admitted. “or how much I love you, really.”

            Luke smiled and turned me around so I was facing him. “You should know by now that I love you so, so much more. You are my boyfriend, after all.”