The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

AWW II: The Second

    I left out a major controversy around the month of April. What came to our surprise around the time of the state tournament, Sierra told me she was pregnant. If I remember this right, she told me after the Monday when we got the call for winning. I was not happy with the news. The main thing that bugged me so much was Sierra knew she was pregnant a few days before me. I found out from overhearing a phone call with her mother asking Sierra when I was told about the baby. Sierra told her family, her coworkers, and her friends the day she found out. I was the very last person she actually told. You would think that informing the father of your baby as one of the first few and not the last person. Sierra explained to me that she was scared of what I would say or do. I do not know where she got this notion and would imply that I was some sort of abusive boyfriend. Mind you, she explained this to me after she started the conversation. How she first approached me was so disrespectful and out of the ordinary. She comes to me in privacy and starts stating, "I don't care how you feel about this, but I am keeping the baby and there is nothing you can do or say to change my mom". She followed up with a question on what I thought about the situation. I did not answer her because anything I said would go against what she previously said and/or upset her. What am I to do? We had a series of small conversations that ended just the same. She normally stood by her decision and I tried reasoning with her for why it was not a good idea to be parents right now. I thought it was pretty sound from my side. We are too young, we do not make a good wage to raise a child, we do not have a home of our own, one of our parents would have to raise the baby while we worked. I also brought in past arguments from the last time she was pregnant as they were still relevant.
    Sierra's side had about one good reason and it was for her not to go through a medical abortion. I get it, the procedure is difficult for women to go through. Her other points were not so well thought out. Sierra believed she had parenting down for the rest of her life, she knew exactly what was going to happen. She was going to quit her job as her parents and I would support the baby. Sierra would watch the baby until he/she was old enough to go to grade school. She then led on that our child would choose whether to go to public school or stay home schooled. Oh, and I would be attending college to get my degree to fulfill my role as the bread winner. I am going to break it all down just like I did with her to better explain what was wrong with her aspirations. First, she expected her cheap-ass father and her boyfriend with no career job to support a total of five people (me, her father, her, her mother, and the baby). Sierra was going to quit her job just like her mother did to raise her. Her mother had not worked a job until later this year when Sierra helped her get a job. Second, the baby needs a home to live in. Now her father is very anal about noise in his home. He would not appreciate a crying baby disrupting his limited sleep schedule in a tiny two bedroom home. My parents have a home big enough to house me, Sierra, and the baby; however, they would not be happy with the crying of the baby either. My parents did not want to go down this path just like my grandparents did with my Aunt and my cousins. I did not want to burden them with raising my child. Third, my parents would not allow me to run off to some university for a few years while I had a baby to take care off. So I would not have any money to attend. Plus, I did not feel comfortable not being apart of my child's first few years. I want to be there and not be some dead beat father. All I want is to provide my children with the best life I can offer. This was not a good situation for us. Lastly, Sierra is not prepared to be an only parent if I did go get a degree for a career. She spent many nights hungry because she would not prepare any food for herself or just go downstairs to grab a snack. If I did not cook something or bring her food in bed, she would not eat. That was her problem living at my parents. I had to provide for her even when I was the last person home from work. Not to mention how often she had suicidal thoughts or the glaring signs that she had postpartum depression after finding out she was pregnant. I do not know if that is medically possible or not, but I feared she would take her life and leaving me to be the single parent, running off, or killing me, herself, and the baby. Her mental state was severely unstable to the point that I feared interacting with her.
    I feel in some way that Sierra was trying to tell me that I could go get my degree, but she would be looking at her options. What I mean is that she was trying to find someone to leave me for that was willing to provide for her and the baby. I was informed that she was trying to get a man to raise the baby with her. I found out that Makayla was pushing to come back in her life to help parent and be her lover. What pissed me off the most was how hard Sierra was pushing to get Danny to be the father of her child. She made it sound like the men she was talking with could be the father. She apparently did this with the first pregnancy too. I did not find out until after our weekend at Nationals. This here is another reason why I suspected her cheating on me even though she never gave me the full picture.