The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

AWW II: Her Addictions

    I talked about some of Sierra's problems that she had when we first got together. She was a smoker and a frequent user of illegal drugs. I thought it was just weed, but Sierra loved talking with my brother about her escapades. Sierra shared intimate details on various harder drugs other than weed and waxes. She shared her experiences doing acid and such, but kept telling me weed was her limit. So she was either lying very well to my brother or poorly with me. I have seen what drugs have done to people close to me and I have associated with those people in high school. I did not want that from my girlfriend. I wanted trust and healthy living. I did not want to smell or taste that stuff on her. She promised to quit and she followed through for about three months. One day on my way to my gym class at Anne Arundel Community College, I received a phone call from Sierra. She was completely hysterical and crying over the phone as she told me about how she betrayed me. I was confused and upset while under the impression that she cheated on me. Turned out that she relapsed on her cigarettes and was hiding it behind my back. I angrily told her I would talk to her after class and hung up on her. Sierra spent the whole class time texting my phone. I could not respond because of the amount of classwork and quizzes I was doing. The messages she sent went as followed: I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you like this, can you forgive me, are we breaking up now, why can't we work this out, and I still want to be with you. I could not believe she lead me on that she cheated on me. This part took place before the July she cheated on me with Danny.
    Following her recent abortion in our second year together, Sierra had another relapsing moment. This took place a little ways in this year when we signed up for the next season of bowling. Sierra began to recent me because she believed I forced her to abort another baby. She started going out on Friday nights, or when she found time during the week on her breaks, with a young teenager we bowled with at the bowling alley. Her name is also Ciara, but spelled differently. I think she was just starting high school that year, so she is very young. I would not see Sierra for the rest of the night. This happened twice out of the four times she did it. The first time Sierra showed up at bowling the same time as me in the parking lot. She put on a lot of fragrances and had a big cup of coffee from Starbucks. She played it off like nothing happened, but after bowling I saw the clues. We started getting frisky and make out in my bed room when I started to notice a smell emanating from her shirt and hair. I gave a quick sniff as I started with foreplay to pass off that I was not checking anything out. It was not sweat that I was smelling, but weed. I was too far along to stop, but I it sat in the back of my mind that she was lying to me again. The last time she went out with Ciara, they showed up late to bowling with a pair of sunglasses on and lots of gum in her mouth. The brief time she took her sunglasses off in the building, I noticed her eyes were blood shot. She wanted me to give her a kiss since I spent another night alone in bed. I tasted more than just weed and spearmint gum on her lips. I tasted cigarettes. I guess it did not matter if she was doing one wrong, why not more. She started to talk with Mickie about what she was doing. They only talked when I went up to bowl. I finally cut out my quiet bullshit with Sierra and asked her, "why are you wearing your sunglasses"?
"I want to wear my sunglasses, is that so wrong"?
"–But inside? That is weird".
"I don't have to explain shit to you".
I went back to sitting in a pissy mood until Sierra and Mickie started talking again. Sierra was saying something about me not knowing anything and that was when I decided to interrupt their conversation. "So what have you been hiding from me then, Sierra? I feel like I know what you have been up to".
"You don't know what I have been doing. You would have been mad with me already." Sierra angrily responded.
"So it's something you shouldn't have been doing in that case".
"What do you think I have been doing"?
"What? Have you been cheating on me"?
"Ha, you didn't know I have been smoking again. I masked the smell of weed so you could not tell".
The only thing missing from her statement was her childishly sticking her tongue out at me. She at least had the same smirk she had when Sierra called me fat in our first fight as a couple. She felt so proud that she kept this secret from me. She bragged about it after her idiotic slip up. What makes keeping such a secret a proud moment for her? I responded back, "Wow you must be a dumbass. For your information, I could smell the weed in your hair when I was sucking on your tits last time".
"I told you not to call me a dumbass, that hurts my feelings. So why didn't you say anything, Joey"?
"I'm so fucking sorry, but I told you I don't want to be with a smoker. I didn't want to believe it, I didn't want another fight. I wanted you to admit it".
"You don't fucking control me".
"Your right, I can't. You don't have to deal with my bullshit anymore Sierra, smoke as much as you fucking like"!
I stayed quit for the rest of the match, which was almost over. I quickly grabbed my stuff and took my friend Blair, who was on our team that season, home. This was the second time Sierra blew up my messages on all social media platforms. I again ignored her pleas for me to take her back. She kept saying she needs help quitting everything. Like a fool, I believed that she wanted to change.