The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

AWW II: Nationals

    Now we have reached the major focal point of all the drama in our relationship. We won the state tournament for bowling and our weekend in Hagerstown for the National tournament had arrived. I was bummed that Nationals did not take place out of state. I was hoping to visit Rhode Island or Massachusetts, but at least I was going for the big stage. I was not looking forward to spending the weekend with Sierra. The weeks before Nationals, Sierra and I talked at great length about our situation with the baby. We talked just about everyday in the first few weeks after states. Everyday the amount of words I would say shrank down until I would just have about two words to say. I could not say anything right with Sierra. I would tell her that we were not ready for this, she would be upset. I would ask her to help work out what we are going to do, she would be upset when I pointed out the issues. I would ask her what she wanted me to do, she got upset with me again. I had no clue what to do. I could not get anything right. Sierra was upset that I was getting everything wrong. I went through three phases over this pregnancy: denial, reasoning, and acceptance. I accepted my reality and generally wanted to know what she wanted from me, but me asking was just as bad to her compared to getting an abortion. Not to mention she stranded me in Glen Burnie on day when I tried to fix our relationship from a previous fight. Yeah, Sierra kicked me out of her car in some back street parking lot. She then proceeded to drive off to get ice cream up the road. I was on the phone with anyone that could pick me up as I walked towards the highway so I could be picked up. Ten minutes later she comes driving by me. She pulls over and screamed her head off that she had been looking for me and to get in the car. "Why would I get back in the car with a women that abandoned her boyfriend".
I have to admit when she slowly lifts up this chocolate I cream cone and took a bit was kind of funny, but I was still pissed she left me in an area that I could not walk home from. She kept apologizing for kicking me out, but "[I] should have known [she] would comeback. [I] pissed her off so [she] needed to take time to calm down".
Way to redirect blame back on me for your actions. We continued to stand off, but we stopped talking for a few minutes. We just stared at one another as Sierra gave her famous face that resembled the sentence of, "well, I'm waiting for your response". I gave in. Mainly because I would have to wait twenty minutes for my mom to get me since she was just now on her way home from her job. She dropped me back home after a long car ride of silence. Before I walked away, she asked me to message her when she got back to her parents...I never did. I dropped off the grid. I could not take her anger, her threats towards me, and barraging of me emotionally anymore. I was stressed out. On top of Sierra was a horrible summer of work. I was taking bullshit everywhere I went and wanted to get away from everything. I know Sierra was going through so much from her family and the pregnancy. She had me on board with being a father, but I believed she found someone else and that might explain her being upset with my recent involvement. So I dodged a lot of her calls and texts for about two weeks. Sierra pushed me away and I needed a break from everything in my life as much as she did. The week before nationals, I decided to respond and try to fix the situation. I told her about my feelings and how she really pushed me away with what she was doing. Sierra told me about her feelings and especially why she did not want to go through with an abortion. I still do not know what she did exactly to cause a miscarriage of sorts with the first pregnancy, but she told me this long horror story about afterwards. She kept having flashbacks to this day that she went to pee. Sierra described how she peed massive amounts of blood and "baby-matter" into the toilet. She claimed she saw part of a fetus' hand too. I thought it was a ludicrous story. I do not think she was three months along when she did what ever she did. So it made no sense that she saw chunks of baby and its partial hand that early in the fetus' lifecycle. I pushed it to the side just so I could continue my relationship with Sierra. Things seemed better after we finally talked it over. I thought we could put this past us and be a couple again in time for Nationals. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! Neither of us had truly forgiven each other for this incident. She even brought this up later in the year in another fight before I transferred to an University.