The primary reasons I want to die is my depression, and my family. I've been dealing with this mental illness for years. I have tried everything to try to recover, but it's still fucking me over every day. I have dealt with self harm for seven years and have tried everything I can think of, and yet I'm still in a full blown relapse, and my life is progressively getting worse. 4 years ago I was in a similar spot in my life. I was in constant physical and mental agony and had serious thoughts of suicide everyday. I went to treatment, and turned my life around. Then at a time my life was falling apart, I called my mom for support and she left me on voicemail. I was deeply hurt and became extremely depressed and hurtful after that. She blocked all contact with me. My life completely fell apart after that and I relapsed. It's been 3 years and I have made literally no progress at healing from what happened.
I just can't make myself really care about life anymore. I have no reason to stay. I have to deal with mental torture everyday and I hate my life. I am living with a broken heart and a fucked up brain. It's very clear to me now that my life is over. It's been over for a while and I'm just living a hollow existence. I have people in my life who are trying to help me, but they can't. No medicine, therapy, support, etc will ever be able to give me hope where there is none, and right the wrongs I have done. I have no goals in my life. I am not even capable of doing so.
