Blake and Aimee

Chapter 36: Blake

She just left me there. Standing in front of all those people alone. How was I supposed to know? I really didn't think it could be possible for someone to love me, like this. I am disgusting. I hate myself every day, every day because I can't do the things that everyone else can. Because I don't look like everyone else does. I hate the fact I'm so pale and the fact I look borderline anorexic. The fact I have no hair and am always shaking. I hate it. So then how can she love me? Aimee how could you love me? You are so much better than I am, so much smarter and so beautiful. Nothing I deserve. Yet everything I lost. Ma picks me up from school. She doesn't even get two words in before I breakdown.

"Blake, Blake honey what is it what's wrong?" I tell her everything. How I fucked it up. How I pushed her away and now I regret I all. I just want her, that's it. I didn't realise it before but I do, she is everything and it took me to lose her to understand that. Ma drives me home and tucks me into bed. I just want to sleep. I just want to forget.

...

The past few days I've spent at home. I just can't face the rest of the world right now. I see my phone light up with Aimee's number, but I turn it off. It's not that I don't want to talk to her it's that I can't. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry? Forgive me? What the hell I'm not 5. I didn't push someone over or take something without asking. I hurt her. And by doing that I also hurt myself. And it's all my fault. How do I put that into a freaking text message? I see Ma standing at the doorway, I pause my game and take my headphones off. Ma gestures to my phone.

"Dear you have to talk to her." I sigh.

"I know Ma, but I don't know what to say. What is there to say? I don't want to be petty and just apologise, making her think that makes up for what I did because it doesn't!" I feel the tears run down my face. I wipe my eyes quickly, hoping Ma didn't notice. I'm sure she did though.

"Well isn't that sing-a-long you were talking about on tonight? Maybe you should go. Apologise to her Blake. Not just the words 'I'm sorry' but in a way where it will really mean something to her."

"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Ma smiles as she walks out the door.

"You know her better than anyone Blake, if you really want to make this right, you'll think of something." I sit around for a couple of minutes, when my eyes fall over my guitar. At once I get ready and call out to Ma to get the car ready, I grab my guitar on the way out. I don't know how to fix what I did. But I know where to start.