Blake and Aimee

Chapter 48: Blake

I am still waking up when the door opens. It's Dad.

"Morning son." He says happily, which is odd. Normally it seems there is nothing happy about my existence.

"Ah, morning." I rub the sleep out of my eyes, I was up late last night.

"So, I was thinking," Dad pulls up a chair and sits right next to me, "that you and I could go for a little trip today."

"Where exactly?" I look around for Ma, but she isn't here.

"Well I was thinking to the beach." I raise my eyebrows at him.

"The beach. Really?" Dad shrugs and smiles.

"Yeah I mean I heard there is a nice one not too far from here. It will be like being back in Ireland, near the sea." I smile, memories of my home in Ireland were really some of the best ones. We are both silent for a moment and I begin to grow curious.

"Dad are you high?" He frowns.

"No what would make you think that?"

"Well for one thing you're talking to me. Normally you just scowl or yell if something really needs to be said. And you are asking to go somewhere with me, to do something... nice. I don't know if you have kept track of the past two years, but this isn't exactly what id classify normal behaviour for you." His head falls into his hands.

"Oh son..."

"It's alright Dad, smoke as much grass as you want if it means you're like this every day. Fine by me." He sits back in his chair.

"I'm not smoking anything son, not drinking either." I laugh.

"Well thank the Lord for that!" His expression doesn't change though, he looks like he's about to cry. Okay that is definitely not normal.

"I went to your concert last night." I stare down at the bed sheets, the curtain on the window. Anything to avoid making eye contact with him. I know how much he hated the idea of me going to that concert, and the fact he seems so calm about it now is really starting to freak me out. "I went there to throw you back into hospital, I was so angry. But I saw you there, singing with your girl and I saw how happy you were. I saw my happy little boy again Blake," He tries to wipe the tears from his eyes, "before all this cancer shit and moving to London. You've been so miserable for the past two years. And just for a moment, it's like the cancer disappeared and you were you again." I smile.

"I'm still me Dad, just cause I'm sick doesn't mean I've changed at all." He squeezes my hand.

...

We got ready and headed out in the car. Eventually we came to the sea, I start laughing. It's been ages since I was this close to the ocean. The beach was pretty much empty, it was a freezing day, and no one was keen to go outside. But I have never minded the cold. Dad and I spent the afternoon skipping rocks and watching the waves go by. It was nice just him and I, everything felt so different between us.

"I love you son." I look at the ocean. So calm and pave from a distance but when you get up close it's as fierce and dangerous as a wild animal. I look over at Dad, his expression has softened which inversely makes his features look that much harsher.

"I don't get it though," He looks my way, "I could have sworn you hated me. Every time I walked in the room I felt like you despised my existence." He sighs.

"Blake, I love you more than you will ever know, I haven't spent enough time with you. It's because I love you so much that I felt I couldn't spend time with you. I was scared, still am. I felt like if I ignored the fact that you had cancer that it would somehow just go away, yet it seemed I ended up ignoring you altogether." He turns and stares at the oceans horizon.

"Then I turned to drinking. You didn't know me in my teens, but alcohol used to make me so angry. I beat up people in pubs and bars for the hell of it. Break stuff, throw things everywhere. And then add that with the grief I felt for you, I lost it. And it became addictive, I felt I couldn't get up in the morning without a drink it just all, it all seemed so much to deal with."

"So you didn't, deal with it I mean." He nods slowly.

"Yeah."

"I'm still angry with you." I nudge his shoulder, "But I'll forgive you anyway." Dad frowns.

"I don't get it, why?" I turn to him and smile.

"It's what Aimee taught me. If you love someone, you matter what they do to you, you can still find a way to forgive them." Dad smiles sadly.

"She's got a good head on her shoulders that girl, doesn't she?" I smile as I stare at the waves.

"Yeah, she does."