Learning to Live

Chapter 17

After the party, I couldn't even bear to look at Jon, I was too ashamed. We haven't said a word to each other since last night when I punched him. I've decided to go to the hotel's bar and wait until they were ready to leave. I already had about two glasses of whiskey. The haunting words in Shana's letter were parading in my head.

"I don't think that this relationship can go any further."

I bury my head in the palms of my hands, my throat felt like it was closing up and nausea filling my gut, thinking about the last words I told her that I didn't want her to love me anymore.

You idiot.

The Bartender came up to me, "Any more?" To no surprise, it was Shaun fucking Mercury gracing me with this cocky smile. He must be so elated to see me like this; all miserable and sad.

"Well, if it isn't Floyd Mayweather." He said punching the air with his fist jokingly and laughing. "And having a stiff one at nine in the morning no less. Wow, rough night?" He smirks.

I sigh without saying a word to him and open my phone to see if Shana had answered any of my many texts.

"Hey babe I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have behaved like that. Please talk to me." I texted.

"Here, it seems like you need another." Shaun continues, pouring me a drink.

"Thanks." I take a sip of the drink and clear my throat. "I'm sorry."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "What was that now?"

"I said I'm sorry for ruining your life. It was wrong of me to do the things I've did. I was an angry kid back in high school. You know losing my parents suddenly and my home. It was really hard on me and it didn't help that you made me your personal punching bag every day, so I guess that I just got pushed over the edge. So I'm sorry. Hope you could forgive me." Maybe it was the one to many glasses of whiskey I had or the relationships I've ruined last night that made me said those words, or it was the guilt I felt for hurting everyone in my life, but I said them and I meant them.

"Well isn't this rich." He smirks. " Um. You don't know how long I wanted to hear those words come from your mouth, but now I realize it wasn't just a one-sided problem. I was to blame too. I guess I picked on you because I was pressured into doing so and that wasn't cool. So I apologize too."

"Are we good?" I ask, extending my hand for a handshake.

He looks at my hand and then at me, "Yeah we good." He said shaking my hand. Never in a million years that I thought that would I be here apologizing to Shaun Mercury after so many years, then again him apologizing to me! It felt good.

At the corner of my eye, I saw Jon and Camelia standing at the exit. Jon tilts his head toward the main exit, telling me that it was time to go. At least he didn't leave without me. On the jet, he didn't even look or said a word to me. He was ignoring me and Camelia was caught in the middle of it because she couldn't talk to me because he would be mad or I couldn't talk to her because Jon would be mad. The flight was a silent nightmare.

I finally got home and the deafening silence in the house was killing me. I wanted to hear Shana's sweet voice again. I tried calling but all I got was the voicemail.

"Hi, you've reached Shana Dante. Unfortunately, I can't take your call right now. I'll get back to you soon."

"Hey, Shana it's me. Please. I'm so sorry. I need to know if you're okay. When you get this please call me back."

If she wasn't going to call me back, then I was going to see her face to face. I got in my car and drove to her house. Her car wasn't parked in front of her house like usual but I went and knocked on the door anyway, hoping Israel was home so he can tell me where she was.