Learning to Live

Chapter 19

I hate going to AA meetings. You sit in a room with a handful of strangers, all sharing their struggles with alcoholism. The last time I was here I was forced to attend because Jon found me passed out in an alley after the fourth of July. This time I was going on my own free will because I had a reason to go and her name is Shana.

Before I came inside this suffocating room, I was standing outside the building staring at Shana's photo, trying to remind myself who all this was for. I pick a seat in the back because I didn't want to draw any attention to myself.

I've been in the room for more than thirty minutes and most of the people in the room looked depressed or tired but a grey-haired woman sitting in the corner caught my eye. She seems a little agitated; fiddling with her fingers. She reminded me of myself at my first-ever meeting. I was a nervous wreck, it felt weird opening up to total strangers about my secrets.

A man with black hair stood at the front of the room sharing what he's been through. He looks like he's in his forties, wearing a green durable jacket, blue shirt, and worn jeans. "I've been drinking since I lost my wife. I never thought that I'd become an alcoholic. It screwed up my life so much, that it took up most of my time and made me miss every important event in my daughter's life. There were days where I'd drink like twenty beers in a day, followed by shots and wake up on the bathroom floor not remembering what had happened the night before. That was three years ago and I've been sober since." The group applauds him as he took his seat next to the silver-haired lady in the corner.

The group leader a blonde woman stands at the front of the room. Her whole attire looked like she time traveled from the seventies. "Thank you, Trevor. I commend you for not giving up. Does anyone else want to share anything?" The room went silent. "Okay then, I guess I'll see you all tomorrow. Snacks are at the back, please help yourselves." She added.

I can't believe I volunteered for this. I'm wasting my evenings coming here. I'm going to die in less than a year, it didn't make any sense. I had to get out of here as quickly as I can. Outside, I was freaking out; my hands are sweaty and shaky and I couldn't control my breathing. It was a mistake coming here. Shana will just have to accept me just the way I am; drunk and all.

Are you crazy? What girl would accept a drunkard?

"Hey, you alright there buddy?" Said a calm voice behind me. I turn around and took a deep breath and as the man in the green durable jacket approaches with a cup in his hand.

"I'm good. Thanks."

"I'm Trevor Scott." He shakes my hand.

"Ian Somers."

"I know it was you. I saw your ads on tv. Somers Enterprise, experience the best. Nice to meet you, Ian. First time at a meeting?"

"No. Second, actually. My first was a year ago. Got sober and now I'm back here." I shrugged.

"I remember the first time I got sober, it lasted about a week. One night I decided it was a good idea to drive home drunk. I got in an accident." He points at a scar on his forehead. "You see this scar? I rear-ended a truck carrying a bunch of steel and one of 'em went through my skull. I thought I was a goner. That night was a wakeup call for me, so I decided to get sober for me." He said leaning up against the wall.

"Good for you man but I'm only doing this so I can get back with my girl."

"You need to do it for you instead. I'd like to be your sponsor. If you feel like you're going to drink or going to do something stupid give me a call." He hands me his card.

I've had bad experiences with sponsors before, never trusted them. My first sponsor was this Asian guy named Syd, I admired the guy so much because he managed to stay sober for ten years and he was the one who encouraged me to lay off the booze. Everything changes the day his brother died, he went off the wagon we couldn't find him for days. A patrol officer finally found him drunk, blackout in a ditch near the border.

On my way home, I stop by Jon's. I wanted to talk to him for some reason. I knock on the door and a woman answers. She has short sandy blonde hair and bluish-grey eyes. I've never seen her before but she had on black and white maid outfit.

"May I help you, sir?" She asked, in a Russian accent.

"Is Jon here?"

"And you are?"

"Ian Somers. His friend."

She smiles and motions for me to come inside the house. "Stay here I'll go get Mr. Wells."

Jon came out shirtless, in sweat pants. I forgot he loves working out now. It's paying off though; he actually looks a little buffer than I am. He stands in front of me with his hands rest on his hips. "Hey what's up?"

"You got a maid? I thought maids distract you." I said emphasizing the word distract because Jon has a history of sleeping with his maids.

"Anya? Not this one. She swings the other way if you know what I mean...I think I'm in love with Cam so..."

"That's great. So where's Cam?"

"Medical school. She started last Monday. What do you want? I'm pretty sure you didn't come all this way just to check up on my life." He says walking over to his kitchen. I followed him and sit by the counter.

"Well, I wanted to know if we're good because you were kind of acting a little weird after Vegas."

"That was one of the worst birthdays I've ever had, minus the great birthday sex Cam and I had after. The last time I've seen you that drunk Ian was about two Christmases ago. You were hosting a holiday party and before the party, you and Ashley got into a heated argument and you threw a beer bottle at her head, it missed her by like ten inches."

"I what? I don't remember that."

"Of course you didn't, you were too drunk."

"Well, I remembered punching you, so that means I wasn't too drunk that night right?"

"Ian, you need help."

"I know that. That's why I started AA today, just got back from a meeting actually. I'm doing it to help quit this habit and maybe Shana would consider taking me back."

"Good because when you're drunk buddy you change into a whole different person and it's kinda scary."

"But I'll never hurt Shana."

"Who knows, dude. You're freaking unpredictable when you're drunk, you punched me remember?" I saw the honesty in Jon's eyes. Drinking has really brought out a monster inside me, that I didn't even realize I had. Suddenly I was seeing two Jons in front of me. I rub my eyes to clear up my vision, but no luck.

"Wha the fff--" My words became hard to pronounce and my heart begins to race.

Jon looks at me with worrying eyes. "Ian, are you okay?"

I look at him with widen eyes, trying to tell him that something was wrong. A familiar feeling in my gut starts to surface. I know that feeling all too well, I was having a seizure. I couldn't' control my body, it was shaking uncontrollably. The last thing I saw was Jon rushing towards me as I fall to the floor.