Learning to Live

Chapter 34

The stench of disinfectant and bleach irritates my nose as we walk the halls of the Psychiatric hospital, to visit Shana's mom. The walls are white, so are the floors and not a single picture hanging. It reminded me of the hospital, where I would constantly go to receive bad news. Walking in silence only left me with my thoughts which was making me anxious.

Shana seems like she was handling it well until I look down and saw her hands, folded into tight fists. She immediately jumps and stops when someone screams from behind a locked door. I put my arm around her letting her know that she wasn't going through this alone, that I was going to be there for her no matter what.

We continued walking down the lonely hallway until Shana suddenly stops again and pin her back against the wall.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, yeah just give me a sec." She exhales.

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Five years ago. It's just that, coming here that was the problem. I couldn't bear to see her like that and leaving her here each time. Or it could be that I hate hospitals." She nervously giggles.

"Trust me I know the feeling." We both laughed. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, let's go." She took my hand and we walked through the door to a room of patients. It was like a cafeteria and a visiting room in one. A nurse walks past us; she's wearing a white uniform and has a pleasant smile on her face.

"Excuse me," Shana stops her, "We're looking for Adrienne Martin."

Martin? I thought Shana's parents were married.

It reminded me that I really didn't know anything about her mom since Shana never really did talk much about her. If she ever got around to even mentioning her, I could feel the tenseness in the air. All I knew was that her mom was suffering from Schizophrenia and locked her in the closet when she was fourteen. Which resulted in her being claustrophobic.

"Sure, she's right over there." The nurse points to a woman sitting by herself near a window.

She has long curly dark hair and is wearing a light blue robe, at the looks of it she looks like an older version of Shana; it was uncanny.

We slowly walk towards her, Shana holds my hand and with every step, she squeezed it tighter and tighter. One more second, I wouldn't have a hand by the time we're finished. As we got closer, her mom looks up at us and smiles. That smile, Shana has her smile.

"H-hi," Shana said.

"Hello," She looks at both of us, "Do I know you?"

"Mamma, it's me, Shana."

She raised her eyebrow in an uninterested way, "Oh."

"And this is my boyfriend, Ian."

"Hi, nice to meet you." She didn't answer but stared at me.

"Mamma," Shana sits on the chair in front of her. "How are they treating you? I'm sorry it's been such a long time." I can hear the nervousness in her voice. Adrienne didn't answer but kept smiling.

So far so good.

"I just wanted to ask you some questions. Why did dad leave us? I know you never spoke of him after he left but I would like to hear it from you...before I go and see him." She continued.

"I had to protect you." Her voice was soft and fragile.

"Protect me from... Dad?"

"No silly, the beams. T-they were coming for you. So I had to lock you away."