Learning to Live

Chapter 41

The room was silent, nothing but the sound of cutleries clinging. I sat at the head of the table, with Shana seated on my right and Ashley on my left. While Peter and Cynthia were sitting facing each other.

Shana didn't have time to cook so I called in the chef from Gordino's to prepare us dinner. Now and again I'd feel Shana's eyes on me. I knew she was mad that I didn't tell her that it was Ashley who was coming instead of a friend from work.

The tense air in the room felt like it was going to explode. Anyone has hardly said a word since Ashley and Peter arrived. I think Ashley was right, I shouldn't have done this.

"So, Peter, Ashley said that you own two hardware stores?" I attempt to break the ice.

"Yes, it was my dad's business; after he passed away I took it over." Ashley rests her hand on top of his on the table and smiled at him. I couldn't help but think, she never looked at me that way.

"So sorry to hear that."

"I'm sorry but why did you invited us? This feels a bit awkward if I do say so myself." Peter asks.

"Yes Ian, why did you invite her? After what she has done? She used you for your money, she cheated on you on your birthday no less and she made me think that she was pregnant with your child." Shana turns to Ashley with flare nostrils. "You're an evil person."

"Hey! Don't.." Peter points at Shana before Ashley stops him.

"Shana, I'm sorry. I do admit that I wasn't really acting accordingly before. I've done really bad things and I realize that now." Ashley cuts off Peter.

"Ashley it's not only your fault, its mine too." I said looking at Shana.

"Ian you don't have to apologize for her." Shana touches my shoulder, give it a gentle rub.

"No Shana listen, I've done bad things too...and towards Ashley. I was drunk all the time, at one point I throw a bottle at her and it missed her head by inches and sometimes I'd ignore her, I've cheated on her."

"You what!" Peter gets up, "Ashley I can't believe you brought me to a guy's place who used to abuse you."

"Peter sits. Ian never hit or abused me. What he's trying to say is that we were never good for each other."

"Right, and I invited them so we could make an amends. That's what I was telling Ashley when she visited yesterday, we should forgive one another." I said standing.

Shana and Peter both look at me with frozen faces. She gets up and I saw her anger boiling. "Wait? She was here?" She pinch her chin, "wait, I know you, and forgiving someone like Ashley wasn't an overnight deal. How long has this been going on Ian? This, this friendship."

"There's nothing going on, Ashley and I have been friends since she lost her baby. Shana I don't want to continue living like this, in anger and hate there's got to be more to life than that."

Shana looks up at me, she was so angry. I could feel the heat. She loudly pushed her chair out to get up and throw the napkin on the table. She proceeded to give one more annoyed look and walked out the room.

"Ashley you told me that you were visiting a friend yesterday, I didn't know that he was the friend. All this time?" Peter said looking down at Ashley.

"Pete... it's not like that. There was nothing going on. We talked about death and the pain of losing someone."

"And you couldn't have come and talk to me about that? I've lost someone too!"

"Because he's dying Peter, didn't you see his scar?" He looks at me, his eyes searching for the scar on the side of my head, with staples keeping it together.

"Peter, I would never try to cause friction between the two of you. I honestly think you are good for Ashley."

"Look man, I'm sorry what happened to you but finding out your girlfriend has been secretly be friending her ex-fiancé, it comes as a shock to me. Ashley I think it's time for us to leave."

Cynthia, who has been quietly watching the whole story unfold before her eyes gets up to walk them to the door. Ashley looks at me with apologetic eyes and mouths, "I'm so sorry." Then she and Cynthia made eye contact in what seemed like the longest time. It looked like they were trying to make each other blink first.

Cynthia closes the door behind her and smirks, then let out a long exasperated sigh. She flashes me a raised eyebrow. "What's your problem Cynthia? You just sat there and said nothing."

"I was keeping out of it and besides what could've I said? Oh I know, I could have told you that this was a bad idea, if only I knew that it was her who was coming over." She smiles.

"Oh really? Look, I've seen Ashley changed so much and we've became good friends. Why can't anyone else see that?"

"Because everyone is blinded by the fact that you used to be fiancés. Can't you see its a little weird be-friending the person who cheated on you? Are you still in love with her?"

"Of course not. I love Shana."

"You do and I see that. That's why you should leave Ashley alone and focus on Shana. She doesn't deserve your friendship, sweetie and you don't have much time now to deal with all of this."

An unsettling feeling erupts in my stomach, and it was all too familiar. I get that feeling whenever I'm in a similar situation like this which results in Shana always walking out on me. I made my way to our room and she was standing in front of her closet going through her clothes. My baby's leaving me again. "I'll save you the trip of driving and I'll call Sydney to drop you off at Israel's."

"What? I'm not leaving. Why do you want me to go to Israel's?"

I sat on the bed, "I just thought every argument we've had, and you're always the one to walk out on me."

"I'm sorry you had to think of me like that. I guess I hated being hurt so much that I run. Well I'm done running and I'm gonna stick around and work things out."

"So tell me how you feel?"

"I'm quite upset that you didn't tell me about this friendship with Ashley. But I got some time to think, I know you want to make things right before it's too late...that's why. I'm not Ashley's biggest fan but I'll accept it because I trust you and I don't trust easily."

"Thanks babe. You know she was the one who dragged me to your brother's house after Vegas. If she didn't, I think I would never would have gotten the courage to go over there."

"She did?" Shana smiled a little, "Well I guess I'm now like two percent a fan." Her smile turns into a contagious laugh. I lay back on the bed and Shana rests her head on my chest. Feeling her body against mine was calming and relaxing. We were one at that moment nothing could ever break that. That's why I love her she's everything I'm not but yet completes me.

"I've been thinking about the wedding a lot lately and I think I want my dad to walk me down the aisle." She said making circles with her index finger on my shirt.

"Really? How did this come about?"

"When I was in Atlanta. I confronted him again and heard his apologies and his reasons. After I found out I was pregnant, I want this child to know all of his or her family and be close with them; opposite to how I was raised. So for the sake of this unborn child, I told him I'll forgive him but I'll never forget."

That's my Shana, always the one to see the story from her perspective, always trying to accept or understand. My heart knows the reason it needed her, because she is so kind hearted but it can be her weakness sometimes. Her father got off easy; he doesn't get to run out on her and wants back in when she's an adult, it was way too easy.