Learning to Live

Chapter 39

Here I was once again in a hospital bed with Shana's beautiful, brooding face gracing me. I hate the hospital, especially how it makes Shana worry.

We have a baby on the way and I regretted every reason for rejecting the other treatments now. Now, I realize that I have to fight more for my baby and Shana. I want to live for them because I promised her that I'll be there for her and this baby.

Dr. Martinez enters the room, he looked different from the last time I saw him. His salt and peppered hair was now black and slicked back.

"Looking good, Dr Martinez." I was weak but I wanted to lighten up the room a bit, since the silence was too suffocating.

"Thank you, my daughter's getting married soon in Hawaii, but I had to come in once I heard my favorite patient was brought in."

"Favorite? Doctor, don't make me blush." A weak laugh escapes my throat. "Congratulations. I have great news myself, we're having a baby."

"That's remarkable, congratulations."

"Thanks Doc, I didn't think it was possible, you know with my situation."

"It's quite possible because you weren't taking any medication, but it's very rare because cancer can make it very hard to conceive. I don't use this word nearly enough but it's a miracle."

"That's what I said."

"Thank you doctor for the kind words, but could you tell us what happened? He was out for hours they did an MRI...I'm at my wits end." She holds my hand.

"Certainly, it seems that the tumor has grown about half its size since your last check up, but there is a small chance of hope. Since the tumor has grown, it has grown to size where that we could finally operate on."

"What? I thought it was inoperable." I asked, pushing myself up to sit.

"It was, but it has grown so much that we could finally see it...well part of it. So, we're hoping with your permission Mr. Somers, to possibly remove part of it. Which will reduce swelling and pressure in the brain."

"Will this increase my chances of living longer?"

"There's a possibility you might get to live a few extra months, but I should mention that if you go through with this there's a fifty percent chance that you might not make it through the operation. It is completely your choice should you go through with surgery, we're ready whenever you are."

As soon as he leaves the room, Shana exhaled and buries her head in my chest. Her muffled sobs made tears swell in my eyes. I hate seeing her like this but I was also baffled by the decision I have to make and the opportunity one has to live...a little longer.

"You hear that? A few more months. I'm gonna do it. I could get to see your stomach grow and possibly meet our little one. Its sounds weird saying our little one. We're gonna have a baby!"

"We are." Her face saddens and worried. "What if something goes wrong in surgery, you can die today."

"Come here," I hug her in my arms, "Nothing's gonna happen, other than me being fine after the operation and I have faith on my side along with you and our baby. I love you so much. you know, most women wouldn't want to be with a dying man and I felt guilty of being with you because I already knew I was going to die and I knew it was going to break your heart, and I hated myself for it."

She kisses my forehead, "You must know by now that I'm not like most women. I would have been with you if you were poor or had no limbs. I've fell in love with a man who've had no shame in admitting that he had done some wrong in his life, and were willing to correct them. I'm proud of you. I love you."