Learning to Live

Chapter 29

The last time I looked after a child he ended up dead, so glad Shana and I are doing this together. Devon wasn't a handful like Luanne suggested. He was shy and calm. After leaving Luanne packing, we went to an arcade to pass some time.

I've already paid for an apartment not too far from my building, so she could get to work on time. The building has twenty-four-hour security and surveillance. Edward wouldn't be getting close to her even if he tried, due to the many photos of him I've sent to security.

Devon's face was filled with glee as he made his way into the Arcade. He immediately ran over to a Motorcycle simulator game. He hopped on the bike and started the game. Shana's lips stretch from ear to ear as she touched Devon on his shoulders. "Be careful now okay? If you need anything Ian and I will be sitting right over there." She points to a booth near the entrance.

As we sit, Shana holds my hand. "Isn't he great?"

"I suppose. You're great with him."

"I used to babysit. Yeah, so I got a lot of experience." She smiles and playfully brushes off both shoulders with her right hand.

The arcade was loud with bright video games and children, screaming and running around. It was all chaotic and it was giving me a headache. I rub my temple, trying to block out the noise but it just became more drowning.

"ugh!"

"Ian, are you alright?"

"It's too loud in here, the lights. They're hurting my head."

"We need to get out of here. You go ahead outside, I'll go get Devon." Outside, I leaned up against the wall and rub my face with my hands. My head felt like a kernel of corn ready to pop.

"No! I was just about to win. Come on Shana. Please?" I heard Devon's little voice said while exiting the building.

"I'm sorry Devon, but Ian isn't feeling very well. We're gonna go back to our place until your mom comes for you." I look at Devon's pouting face. It reminded me of Charlie's; who would do that every time he wanted Ice cream and Cynthia would say no.

"You know what? Why don't you guys stay I'll go home. Go finish your game, Devon." Devon bolts back into the arcade. Shana stepped closer and cup my face in the palms of her hands studying my face.

"Are you really sure?"

"Yeah, um I've texted Sydney to come to pick me up. He's on his way."

"Who's Sydney?"

"Jeez, I can't believe I forgot to tell you. Sydney's my new driver. It's becoming hard for me to focus lately. Go have fun I don't want you to sulk over me. I'll be okay." I forced a smile.

"But you love driving."

"There are some things you just have to sacrifice for the greater good. Ah, there he is. "I point at a black SUV pulling up next to the sidewalk. Sydney, a bald man wearing a black suit and tie exited the vehicle. He quickly walked around to the passenger's side and opens the door.

"Good afternoon Mr. Somers."

"Good day Sydney." I turn to Shana. "I'll be fine." I kissed her before entering the vehicle.

At home, I took two pain killers and lie on the couch and try to take a nap but I couldn't fall asleep. I got up and went to my bedroom, took off my clothes, and hop in the shower. I let the cold water damp my wavy dark hair and run down my face. Its coldness seems to ease my pain a little. The doorbell immediately rings. I hurriedly, with wet skin put on a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt and open the door to Luanne wearing an oversized jacket.

"Luanne, Devon isn't back yet. I left him and Shana at the arcade, I wasn't feeling well."

"Oh, I'm sorry um...I guess I'll wait out here then."

"No, please come in. Have a seat." She slowly walks in and her eye wanders around the room. Her hands shoved into her jacket pockets. At the looks of it, she seems scared and awkward and I wasn't too far behind because this was all strange and way out of my comfort zone.

"Devon, he really loves video games huh?" I said sitting on the couch opposite her.

"Yes. I guess it's my fault I usually send him to play whenever Edward's in one of his moods."

"Are you all settled in?"

"Yeah, I simply just took my stuff and Devon's down to the living room and the moving guys did the rest. I cannot express how thankful I am for your help. I think if I was in that house for one more month I would've been in the ground by the next."

"It's all my pleasure. No one deserves to be treated like that. And again I apologize for the way I treated you over the years cause you were really doing a great job...except for the past week, of course." We both shared a smile.

The door opens, Shana and Devon stroll in. "Look who's back." She said flashing me that beautiful smile.

"Mom!" Devon rushed into Luanne's arms.

"Someone looked like they had fun," Luanne said adoring her son.

"I did. After the arcade, Shana and I went to get ice-cream and she bought me a sundae and chocolates. Look!" He pulled a handful of chocolate bars out of the plastic bag he was holding.

"That's wonderful. Thank you Ms.Dante for looking after him...and you too Mr. Somers. Devon, could you tell the nice people goodbye?"

"Bye Shana, thanks for the chocolates."

"Bye Devon."

Devon approaches me and hands me one of his chocolate bars. "Here, I hope you feel better."

"Thank you, Devon."

"Goodbye, and thank you so much." Luanne smiles as she exited the room.

I look down at the snickers bar in my hand and muttered to myself. "Get well soon." I hated being cut off from life. I hated not being able to accomplish certain things in my life, like having kids with Shana. Not being able to grow old together and see our children grow up. I hated thinking about all the things I will be missing out on. I can feel my cheeks getting hot and tears rolled down on the sides of my cheeks.

Shana looks down at me, "Ian? What's wrong?"

I couldn't answer her; my words were stuck in my throat. Seeing her worrying face just reminded me of how devastated she would be when I'm gone. It just made Mark's point more accurate.

I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. "Fuck. I just realized how many things I'm going to miss out on when I'm gone." She sits next to me and holds me in her arms.

I lay on the couch with my head in her lap as she wiped my tears away. In my household growing up, men were always thought to show no emotions because it can be a sign of weakness. This wasn't a weakness; it only means I've been holding back my emotions for too long.