Learning to Live

Chapter 49

"Right there." She moans on top of me as I kiss her neck. I lay her on her back and kissed trails from her chest to her belly button. It is our honey moon and we haven't left for our honeymoon vacation as yet. I stopped and look up at her, she was my wife, mine. She made every moment of my life serene and beautiful.

I moved a strand of her hair away from her face and gaze into her eyes, "I love you." A tickle in my throat starts annoying me; I turned away from her and coughed into my hands. When I look at my palm it was splattered with blood.

"What is going on?" I heard her said behind me. "Ian, is that blood?"

I look at her frightened eyes, "I'll be right back." I got up and hurried to our bathroom and lock the door. I didn't want her to know that the cancer has spread to my lungs.

"Ian do not lock this door on me like the last time!" She knocks on the door.

She's my wife, my other half and the guilt from the nose bleed incident filled my thoughts. I slowly unlock the door. She bursts in and immediately rushed to my side. "Are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine maybe it was...I just bit my tongue." She wipes my lips with a tissue. I feel bad for lying to her but if I told her the truth of what was really going on, there wouldn't be much of a honeymoon to celebrate. I wanted to savor this moment with her as much as I can.

"You bit your tongue? Are you sure? Because that seems like a lot more blood for just a bitten tongue."

"I was around you my heart was pumping fast. I couldn't control myself." I smiled at her, "I'm fine. Now should we go pack our bags? The Seychelles isn't going to wait on us." The doorbell rang and I went to answer it while Shana went to pack. I open the door to Ashley holding a well wrapped gift in her hands.

"Hi." She said in a sing song voice. "I brought you something, since I wasn't invited to your wedding."

"I am sorry about that. You know with Shana I thought it would be a bit weird."

"No worries I expected it." She handed me the gift, "Here I got you guys each a Mr. and Mrs. bath robes. What else could I get someone who already has everything?"

"Oh well, how about life?" I smiled at her.

She laughed, "Still not good with jokes I see. But you do look happy, I'm elated for you."

"Thank you...and you, you look happier. You know if you smile any harder you'll get laugh lines."

"It's all because of Peter. He is wonderful and believe it or not, we're going to the Swiss Alps next month."

"The Swiss Alps? Look at you Ms. Adventurer."

"Look at us! Exes that actually get along. But seriously, learning about your condition opened my eyes and I want to live my life to the fullest before it's too late."

"I'm happy for you. I get it, that's why Shana and I are going to the Seychelles for our honeymoon. Don't know where that is but I hear it's beautiful and I want to see that for myself. Thank you for the robes, Ashley. "I hugged her.

"And thank you. Now I have to go Peter's waiting for me in the car. Bye, see you when I see you?"

"Sure will. Bye, Ashley." I watch her as she disappear down the hall and into the elevator. In that moment I felt like I was saying goodbye for a final time, it felt like I wasn't going to see her again.

We finally arrive in beautiful Seychelles. I got us a private cottage on the beach. The wind was sweet and calming, no need for any AC or WIFI. This vacation that was for us, getting to know each other and spending what precious time I have left with her.

After we arrive we spend the afternoon christening the bed. I woke up to the sound of the waves crashing. The warm glow of the sunset was peeking through the curtains. I stretch my hands across the bed searching for Shana, but she wasn't there.

I got out of bed, "Shana? Babe?" I peeked out of the window and saw a silhouette of her sitting on the sand staring at the ocean. I put on a shirt and went out to join her on the sand. She pulled her sweater closer to her body as the wind blows. I sit down near her and she smiled at me. I watch her as the wind danced in her hair. "I was missing you in bed. What are you doing out here?" I kissed her shoulder.

"I couldn't miss the sunset and I came out here also to think."

"What's on your mind?"

"I was thinking before we left home. The blood Ian, you were coughing blood, weren't you?"

"Shan, I told you I bit my tongue. Why are you still on this?"

"Because the same thing happened a few months ago with the nose bleed. You locked yourself in the bathroom hiding your symptoms from me. And I could feel that you're hiding something from me now."

"I'm not hiding anything from you Shan." I said standing, putting my hands in my shorts pockets.

"Ian, we're husband and wife now. You can't be keeping secrets from me especially if it's something to do with your health. I just know something's wrong, ever since you got back from Barbados."

I look into her pleading eyes, until I came to the conclusion that I can no longer keep secrets from her. She needs to know everything. We need to get through this together. "I," I took a deep breath, "I collapsed in Barbados. So when the guys took me to the hospital the doctor found out the cancer has spread to my lungs. That's why I was coughing up blood."

"Well have you seen Dr. Martinez since you came back?"

I sat down back next to her, "No, I wanted to get married to you. No distractions. By the way what's good that's going to do?"

"I think you know by now that I love you..."

"I love you too."

"Yeah, cause I married you, I chose you. And I'm choosing you again. That's why in the morning we're going home to see Dr. Martinez."

"What?! No, this is our honeymoon and we're gonna enjoy it. We just arrived from a sixteen hour flight. I'm tired."

"Ian I love you and it is what's best for you."

"I love you too and staying here is what's best for us. Don't you get it? I want to spend every last breath I have with you, with the both of you, because you're what I think about 24/7. I love you." I cup her face in hands and made eye contact for a brief second before kissing her deeply. "Stay, please." She hesitated for a while and then nodded. "Great! Let's go swimming!" I kissed her and got up and start to take off my clothes.

She smiles, "What? Swimming?"

"Yeah, naked." I stood in front of her fully naked. "Your turn, Missy." I stretch my hand out to her. She took it and stands. "Don't worry there's no one around. We're on a private beach remember?"

She bit her lip and undid her hair. It flowed in the wind with ease. She took off her sweater and shirt, exposing her bare breasts. Her smile becomes brighter when she noticed I was gawking at her. She pushed down her shorts and underwear. "There, naked."

"And beautiful." I took her hand and kissed her passionately. Hand in hand we walked into the water. I grabbed her body closer to mine. The water was warm, but it boiled when she was near. She guides my face to hers and kissed me. Everything was perfect, the sun was so big and orange, and the water reflects the sky of its perfect blues, orange, red and pink. Her skin felt like silk and her lips salty from the sea.

"Why can't we stay in this moment forever?" She whispered in my ear.

I hug her tightly, never wanting to let go. I moved a string of hair away from her face and gaze upon her beauty. She's always asking questions that I don't have the answers to but this time I did have an answer, but my heart couldn't bear to tell her that we couldn't stay. That in a couple of days we'll be back home, back to our reality and one day I'll be gone, leaving her to grief but right now she was mine and I was hers and in this moment we were living.