I WISH I WAS THE NERD: the girl at the back

The bad nerd pt. 11

Tsk. He really did what I said. I felt accomplished. I can see how hurt the two of them are and it is very amusing.

But of course everything wasn't going according to my plans cause Prince still haven't found the one who beat me up. I'm starting to lose interest in them too.

Then I will have to let go of Prince. I don't need him anymore. And he too is also not so happy to be with me. He did a lot of things for me, this is the only way for me to thank him.

He didn't accept it at first and continue on coming back to me. 

But then he started getting close to that girl Xena. I tried to ignore it but I hate it I really hate it. I hate it more when that Xena is with Prince than brother Gill. Why it is always her? 

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"you.. you like her?"

"Yes I do." he said to my face. Was is my pride that was hurt or is it my heart? I'm I jealous?

"No, don't like her! you can like anyone else but her."

"Why?"

Why? I don't know.

"Cause I hate it. I hate her." but he just smirk at me.

"It's non of my business if you hate her. And you should care to if I like her. It's not like we still have our deal, which you break of."

Now to him it's only a deal not a relationship.

"I love you." I said. Did I mean it this time? I don't know. But that what my last shot.

But instead he got angry grab my arm and glare at me that scare the heck out of me.

 " That's the first word I don't want to hear from you the most. Love? You! you don't know how to love."

"what?" I said in a small voice. I too was become angry but his stare makes me lose all energy to fight back.

"You, you don't even love your real parents, I can see it even though you are acting so good you still hate them. And your foster parents, you just leave them you don't even made an effort to see how they are doing. Even though they all did everything for your own good."

I'm so angry and slapped him. "YES, THAT'S TRUE! but what do you know?" you can't understand what it feels like to be like me.

"You don't know how to love others, Cause you only know how to love yourself." He walked away after he said that.

All he said was true but not the last one. I don't love myself either.

The same day Xena's bestfriend Sam let me hear a recording but didn't give me a copy. It was an evidence that she is not the one who did it. I was not surprised at all. It makes me more angry at her.

I realize why I hate her so much that makes me more angry at her. I'm insecure. She have everything that I want to have. She is plain but love by other, she is very lovable just by being herself. She got a lot of friend and one you can say bestfriend, a true friend. Most of all she is very brave and have a great smile. I hate her!

I want her to disappear from my sight.

That night I cry my eyes out.

Then some guy gave me a pack of tissue. I don't wanna receive it but he shove it on my face.

" yah!" I shouted. I recognize him. He is one of Xena's classmate. I think Mike is his name. Now I'm getting scary of how I can remember their names. But I'm sure he knows me, isn't he afraid?

"Instead of crying alone, shouldn't you call even a single friend to stand by you." What a nosy guy.

"I don't have friend. And I don't need one."