I WISH I WAS THE NERD: the girl at the back

CHAPTER TWENTY~ONE

xena...

"stay here i'm gonna get you something to eat." he's about to leave but i hold his hand.

"no i'm fine, not hungry at all. it not like skipping one meal can kill a person."

"you're not skipping any meal  while i'm here."

I smirk. "you're giving me goosebumps. please avoid saying such cheese lines."

"yes i can do that my angel."

"eewww.." that's so gross.

" i will stop if you just let me buy food for you and eat it."

*sigh. " fine. thats much better than hearing those disgusting lines."

he left and back so fast. i get the food to him and make him return to his class. I'm almost pushing him away.

sam can't go home with me again. i packed my bag and walk until the bus stop. I chuckled when i saw gill waiting there. I really wanna see him cause I know this relation won't last long and its making me sad.

I'm about to regret that I welcome this feeling of love in my heart. and I even allow him to love me, rather than erasing my love I making him mark that love more in my heart that i know someday will become a large wound. And its starting to hurt now just by thinking about it.

I'm such a fool, I'm just gonna hurt myself. But I shouldn't worry about that now. just enjoy the moment while he still with me.

" lets grab a snack before going home." i just nodded.

i followed him to the store.

gill...

I can't explain the happiness I'm feeling right now. I can't stop smiling. Everytime i'm with her I'm experiencing a different kind of feeling.

 Can't believe after all what happened yesterday she can still accept my love. I just don't like her, I just don't love her, I LOVE HER SO MUCH, and its out of my control.

I hurt her yesterday, seeing her cry like that makes my heart broke into pieces. I saw her so terrified at me and it makes me hate myself. I regretted it so much.

I planned on keeping myself away from her. She's angry at me for what i did. I can't bare seeing her mad at me. I can't also let myself hurt her again. I got a feeling that if I still don't forget this feeling and keep approaching her I'm sure I might hurt her again, worst that I did yesterday. I wanted to save her from myself.

But then I still wanna see her, just glance at her even for a second. Its lunch  time i try finding her at the cafeteria even though i never saw her eat there before. I am expecting that she's at the back of the school eating alone again but still not there then i saw her at her classroom, she's alone. I said even a second glance is enough but i can't take away my eyes of her. she's not standing, won't she eat lunch, what the fuck is she thinking starving herself, wait is she crying?? is it because of yesterday?

I can't take it any more it's all because of that she's like that. I entered the room pull her arm and shout at her.

she looks confuse then to my surprise she just laugh and hug my waist. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack because of her. I wanna hug her too. but am i allowed? I felt she holds me tighter my hearts beat louder.

...

...........

We're at the cafe. she just ordered a drink and so do I. She's oddly quiet, i wonder why. From the first time since we've met this is the fist time she's acting like this. I'm worried did she change her mind? is she gonna break up with me this fast? I know her feelings for me wasn't that deep unlike the one i have for her. Please God! don't let it be. The sadness in her face making me uneasy.

"is there a problem?" why do i have to ask that? i felt like i dig my own grave.

"ah.. no.. its nothing."

"are you sure?" I'm so worried i can't stop asking. but please don't break on me now.

I hold her hand and her smile makes my worries disappear.

...

......

xena...

Gill is walking me home. we stopped at the play ground. 

He still holding my hands.

"You're so quiet. that's so new to me." 

"why? i'm not a loud person I'm usually quiet. don't you know?" i said sarcastically.

"now you're back."

"geezz.. acctually i'm a bit worried... more like sad but I'll get over that tomorrow and be back to my usual self."

"why?"

"I don't wanna tell you but i guess I have to for me to get ready."

"what is it?"

"how long?"

"what do you mean?"

"how long will your feelings for me will last?"

"what are you saying?"

"aiiyy...well two weeks ago you said your love for me will only last a month.. and we only have almost three weeks left."

"..wait-"

"I mean... i should be atleast, be ready if you have to left me. cause i'm not like you that can easily forget love. when I love someone it's hard for me to forget and move on."

"..xena--"

"I know you already warn me but for me its a little bit unfair.. but I won't blame you--" he suddenly gave me a peck on the lips.. that makes me stop talking.

"please let me talk."

"what the heck.."

"I won't stop loving you. not in this life time."

"for real?"

"you'll be the only girl i will ever love."

I pinch his cheeks.

"don't make such promise so easily."

"but I'm dead serious." I can't believe him

"I'm sorry but I won't believe such thing. geezz.. i'm going home just stop that none sense." 

"I can die for you." 

what?

That scared me. i look back at him and his face is serious. is he for real?

"what the heck are saying? you're scaring me."

"I'm serious. I won't ever love any other girl beside you. i swear my life with that promise"

" then don't promise me." i'm getting angry at him. " don't ever say such word again. understand!"

"ok i'm sorry. it's because you don't wanna believe me. and won't trust me." his giving me headache

"then i'm the one who's making a promise. I promise I won't let you fall for any  other girl. if you do I'm the one who's going to kill you." then i smiled then he hug me while we are both laughing.

He kissed my forehead. 

"you're so cute"

"yeah yeah.. i can't be beautiful but at least I can still be cute in your eyes."

tbc...