Spider Parker

Peter Parker// Voice Message

WARNING: Mentions of past attempts of suicide. Attempted suicide. 

I sat.

I sat with my knees up towards my chest, my bare feet pressed against the cold tile floor of my kitchen, and my phone gripped tightly in my hand. I wanted to say I was okay. That somehow, this whole disaster didn't affect me. That I didn't miss him. That within the past two months, I've grown as a person. But the layers of cuts on my wrist said otherwise. And the bleach stains on my clothing scream for help. And the empty champagne bottles weren't only from my dad. It had only been a week, and I was an absolute wreck.

I wasn't sure how long I had stared at the paint on the island cabinets, I just knew it distracted me from the ripping sadness in my chest. 

The device in my palm buzzed, jolting me out of my trance. I turned it to read the new notification. Along with a text from some news reporters, I noticed an extra that I had missed before.

1 New Voice Message 9 days ago

I clicked the play button and held it up to my ear. As soon as his voice spoke I tensed and every muscle in my body went numb. My feet turned colder than they already were and my hands grew clammy.

"(Y/n)? I- I'm not sure if you can here me from here.... or if you're even getting this..."

I frowned as tears swelled in my eyes. 

"But I wanted to say.... I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not with you right now. Things aren't looking too bright up here... I feel like... I feel like this is all my fault. I know it isn't.. but.... but I feel like I let you down-"

"You didn't, Peter. You could never let me down," I whispered, hoping that somehow he could he hear me too. 

"- I feel like I let your dad down.. I feel like I let everyone down. But I need you to believe I'll come home. (Y/n), I love you. And trust me.... I'm.... I'm gonna be okay...."

The device dinged, telling me he hung up. 

"I love you too, Pete. If only you knew how much I miss you.." I let out a sharp cry and continued as my lungs screamed for more air. He was gone. He vanished. He wasn't coming home to me. I sobbed and screamed and wished I could just... be with him. Then something snapped in my brain.

I could be with him.
What if he's not forever gone?

It would be worth it....
Would it really?

Right?
Right?

I wiped the tears off of my face and stumbled over, balancing myself on the island. I whined trying to hold back my screams, reaching for a knife from the block. I slid out one of the smaller ones and leaned back onto the fridge. I looked at my last name- Stark- that was sketched on the bottom. Ironic. As the cool metal barely reached my skin, I heard my dad walk through the doorway.

"(Y/n).." he spoke cautiously, putting down the paper he was holding. He reached out for me, "(Y/n), don't do this."

"Dad.." I cried, allowing a few more tears to escape, "Dad, I can't live with this pain. I sound like a wimp but I need him. He's been there for me since freshman year. He's always... he's always been here!" I yelled, slicing my forearm. My dad shouted and leaped forward, tackling me to the floor and removing the knife from my grip. 

"No!" I cried, reaching across the floor for it.

"Stop it, (Y/N)!" Dad cried out, grabbing both of my wrists and pinning me in a hug. The house went quiet once again.

I sat.

 I sat with my knees up towards my chest, my bare feet pressed against the cold tile floor, and my dad's hand wrapped around mine. He gently rocked me back and forth, kissing my forehead from time to time. 

"I need you," he spoke with a broken voice, "(Y/n), you are my daughter. My flesh and blood. You're all I have left. I need you." 

".. Is he ever coming back?" I whispered. 

"I don't know, Sweetie," he responded, pressing a towel against my wound. I winced, "But I'm also trying as hard as I possibly can to find where they are. I promise."

"Okay," I mumbled, "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too," he smiled comfortingly. He helped me up and made sure my arm was completely bandaged, "Why don't we go get ice cream or something? Take your mind off of things.."

I nodded with a small smile. He smiled and began to walk out of the doorway.

"Dad?"

He turned to face me once again.

"I need you, too."

A/N: not gonna lie, that became a bit more of a "Tony being a soft dad" chapter but I still like it. Also, I want everyone to know that if you're dealing with something and you don't have a vent, I'm here for you. I know what's it's like to not have anyone to talk to about problems or even just little things throughout the day and it feels like what I imagine complete darkness feel like. And I don't want that for any of you. 

I love you guys so much, and I truly mean it. <3

ALSO I MISS PETER PARKER.... LIKE... MAN, I MISS MY SMOL BOI......