His Princess

His Princess............... Chapter four (pic. of Vicky)

I kept running feeling the energy with each step exit my body, till finally I made it to the only place that counts as my sanctuary, my escape from the world, my hiding spot, my happy place.

The Garden.

After Zander had helped me, I needed my space. Some closure for myself.

I watched how it was nearly dark, it was a beautiful sunset. The orange rays casting a blanket over the sky with a tinge of pink

I sat down behind a cluster of vines and azaleas to catch my breath and stay hidden.  After a moment I started to process what happened just a couple of hours ago. Even with telling Zander what had happened, I still couldn't wrap my head around my conversation with my dad; it just didn’t seem possible though. I can’t believe that I would spill all that anger out on him. And him me.

But what was I kidding, it's been that way for a long time now...

But...

Yes, he may not understand anything. Yes, he may not be involved in my life at all. But a small part of me kept trying to insist that he was doing what he thought was best. He was trying. At least he hadn't decided to leave me alone in life. Alone, abandoned.

I shivered at the thought. I was thankful that he was around, but I was also said that everything was broken between us. If only it could go back to what it was.

Frustrated I shook my head.

The main point is that I might have overreacted.

I tried to convince myself. After all, dad had also gone through the pain of losing mom; I was not the only one. He had suffered. He might, although I may not see it and I most probably am wrong, be trying to rebuild our relationship? I threw that thought out. With the way he acted? Not a cat’s chance in hell.

Or even so, why am I pushing him away so much? That thought threw my brain off.

What? I questioned myself. As if! I am not doing anything. HE is not involved. HE is never talking with me. HE stopped us altogether. HE-he I felt my brain start to falter when I thought this question through.

The more I thought about it the more I was tempted to say ‘to hell with it’ and forget about this question. But another side of me was trying to uncover this mystery.

I ran a hand through my hair and took my hair out of its hold on my head, letting the waves fall down my shoulders. I ran a hand through my hair, smoothing everything out as my brain continued to hot-wire and consider every crevice of detail.

I loved him. There was no doubt in my mind. No matter even if our relationship stayed like this forever, I did love him. Nothing could change that. Overall, he was my father and I loved him. I loved him for the man he once was. Not the man now. Only God knows who the devil is the man that is called my father now. I don't anymore. I may get frustrated and scream at him, but I loved him. The man now?

I frowned. He seemed like a broken child trying to find a way. Pushing everyone away so he could try to stay above and not drown in sorrow. Maybe... or maybe he was just an idiot that just so happens to be my dad, and hates me. Plus, doesn't ever want to understand me, involve himself in my life...

I could run away!

I laughed quietly at that random thought. Sighing, I tried to push it away....but my brain at the moment which was pretty much booked with thoughts.

Nope. We’re full. Find some other place to think.

The brain can never be full. Move some thoughts away and let me think!