The Arrangement | Completed | Wattys2020

79

I can't sleep at all during the day of Phoebe's surgery. Matty is asleep in the room down the hall, and im sitting on the couch with warm water in my hands. Im so cold. Freezing, really. I thought this would help but it isn't doing much for me.
Matty walks down the hall suddenly. He's dressed in sweatpants and a stained t-shirt. He looks absolutely awful. Although, I'm not sure if I look any better or not. He looks down at me and tears are running down his pale face. He looks like he has been crying for hours. This isn't just "I'm sad" tears. These tears are more...so much fucking more.

These tears are the kind that you cry when you have lost all sense of reality. The kind that you let fall when you are screaming in a quiet room, just begging for something to hear you. Just begging for...I don't know. Help? A cure to the pain? The kind of crying that is so strong that it's hard to breathe. The kind that makes you gasp for air and makes you sick to your stomach. The kind that you only do when you are truly at a loss for words. The kind that you only do when you are completely heartbroken.

I have done this.

This is all my fault.

I broke Matty Fain.

"I know I shouldn't be here. I know I am a fucking idiot for being here right now, but I just...I can't...I don't know what to do." He sobs, gasping for air in-between his sentence.

"Hey, it's okay. I know, it's okay." I say, placing a hand on his back gently, only causing him to sob harder. He slowly steps towards me and hugs me tightly, sobbing into my shoulder.

"How could you do this to me, Candace? Why? What did I do? Did I fuck up? Please, just tell me why?" He begs me to answer, and I begin to cry with him.

"I don't know, Matty. God, I don't know! You didn't do anything wrong, baby. You did everything right. You are perfect. I'm the one who fucked up, not you. Please don't think that you did anything at all. You didn't do anything. It was me. It was all me. I'm sorry, Matty. I'm so, so, so sorry. I will never be able to make this any better, I know. I just-"

"But...why? Why would you do that? I understand in the beginning. I really do. I understand why you did before. You didn't know me. Fuck, I could have been a complete asshole. I could have been the shittiest person alive. But...you continued it. You have continued it for fucking months. We have been together for almost a year now. You know me now. You know the real me. You know everything about me. I have tried so hard to give you everything you could possibly want because you have given me everything. You deserve the world, and I tried to give it to you. You just...you...I can't believe this. You and my dad just...you guys...I can't believe it. You both claimed to love me but you both have screwed me over. Fuck! Everyone has just...screwed me over. I just...I...what did I do to deserve this?" He cries.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Matty. You have every right to be feeling this way. You have ever right to feel betrayed by the two of us. Just...just know that I did love you. Fuck I do still love you! I will always love you. I will always love you, Matty Fain. I will never stop loving you. As long as I live, I will stay loving you. Nothing will ever change that." I say.

Everything I have said or done to Matty has made him doubt me. I have lied to him our entire relationship. I don't blame him if he were to never believe anything I say ever again. But, out of all of the things I have done to hurt him, I want to do everything in my power to assure him that the love I feel for him right now will never change. It's impossible. Matthew Fain has etched his way into my heart, and I don't think he will ever leave that spot. He will be with me for the rest of my life, whether I want it or not. I just...I pray that he feels the same way.

"I don't think I believe in love, Candace." He says, his voice melancholy.

"Don't say that, Matty. Please don't say that." I say, not wanting to hear the words, even if he believes them to be true.

"I have been fucked over so many times. Maybe it's just....maybe it will always be like this. Maybe I'm meant to feel this way forever." He mutters, pulling away from my arms and looking down at me.

Something has changed in Matty. Suddenly, he has gone from sadness to nothing. He just looks numb.

"It won't always be like this, Matty. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could go back in time and never speak to Daniel. I wish I could have seen you in that diner and spent that time talking to you. I wish we just spent that time talking. I wish we met that way. I wish this was all different, Matty. I deserve all of this. Losing you....is the greatest pain I will ever endure." I tell him.

Nothing will compare to this feeling. Nothing at all. I have lost everyone I have ever loved. I watched my parents die in front of me. I watched my friends from high school drop me because of my own self pity. Everyone I have ever cared about leaves one way or another. But, this...nothing will ever compare to this. The one person who loved me unconditionally is leaving as well, but only because I practically gave him no other option.

"I don't want to lose you, Candace." He says, tears beginning to run down his face again. For a split second, I feel hope. His words bring a new kind of hope, that makes me think that everything will be okay. That maybe we can work this out. This feeling gets taken away a second later when he continues. "But I just don't think I can be with you, either." He sobs honestly.

Now, I cry. I begin to hiccup and try to wipe my tears away but with no real use, because more follow directly behind them. He pulls me into him and lets me cry into his chest. It's crazy, really. The person who feels the most betrayed is now comforting me.

The person who fucked him over the most.

"I'm so sorry that I have failed you, Matty." I sob, hiccupping the words.

"I am too." He cries with me.

For some reason, I feel like he means something much more than what I am thinking.
-

Author's Note!!!

I am so emotionally attached to these characters. I am so attached to the point that I am hurting because they are hurting. These characters are so real to me, it's insane. So, this chapter was actually kind of hard to write. I love Matty and Candace so much. I feel all of these things with them, and I know you guys feel the same way.

Hopefully things will find a way to work themselves out.

I love this story and I love all of you. I have big things in store! Stay tuned !

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