The Arrangement | Completed | Wattys2020

84

"The city is beautiful, Candace. Phoebe can make plenty of friends there." He tries arguing. The conversation had been over for awhile, and we both know the outcome. He just keeps bringing it up, trying to find ways to convince me to stay. But, we know the outcome. We just don't want to say it out loud. When you say it out loud, it becomes real. I don't want this to be real.

"Matty..." I groan.

"Fuck, I know. I don't want to do that to her either. I just...I'm so selfish. I shouldn't be, but I am. I want you two to be there with me. Not here. Not without me. I'm selfish for this, I know." He exhaled.

"We can't do this." I whispered.

"What are you talking about?" He finally asked.

"We can't do this. Us. We won't work. Maybe you should just-"

"No. Don't you dare say it. This is not over." Matty snapped, cutting me off.

"I want you to see other people, Matty." I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes again.

"No! Fuck no! There is no way in hell that I'm going to do that." He laughed with zero humor to back it.

"We both need to see other people, Matty. We can't do a long distance thing. We just can't. We deserve better." I admitted.

"So this is what you want, then? You want to leave me?" He asked. His eyes have turned dark, and he is looking at me with pure betrayal.

"That's not what I want. I want to be with you. I want everything to go back to the way it used to be. Except, without the lies. I just...I can't move and you can't stay. We can't stay away from each other. We tried. For that three weeks you were gone...it broke me down. I can't do that every single day and then only see you for maybe two days every other week or whatever plan you had. I just can't. You can't either. It would be easier just being broken up. Staying broken up. Just until we can figure everything out for sure. It will always be you, though. I will always only want to be with you." I cry.

He lets his tears fall freely down his face, and we just sit in silence. Well, as silent as our sobs can be. He holds me close to his body as he always does, only this time I really never wanted him to let go. When he finally does, we both just stared at each other with red, glossy eyes before crying again.

The agreement I made with Daniel fucked us up. It caused so many problems in our relationship, and I blame myself for that completely. But, that's not what ruined us.

The Arrangement is what ruined us.

I wish I never signed Daniel's stupid agreement. I wish I never went on that stupid fucking website. I wish Matty never found out. I wish Matty never made the fucking arrangement to move to Seattle. Everything would be so much easier.

Only, it wouldn't be. Without the terrible mistake, I would have never met Matty. Well, besides the time he came into the cafe. I would have never found out what a completely amazing man he is. I would have never fallen in love, and allowed myself to be completely care free and open with him. Matty saved me from the person I had become, and now I'm letting him slip away.

He deserves better, though. He deserves to be with someone who is going to treat him well, and someone who is going to be there for him. Mentally, financially....physically. The thought alone is enough to make me vomit. The thought of anyone hugging, kissing...touching him. God, why the fuck is the world against us.

After hours of crying to each other we finally say our goodbyes. I don't know if it's for the night, or for good. For now, I hope it is only for the night. Although, I know our final goodbye is inevitable and approaching very quickly. I wish I could just go back and tell Matty sooner. If I knew then what I know now, I would change so many things. I would stop him from signing that contract and convince him to stay here with me. If I could go back in time, Matty would have never made the arrangement to begin with. Seattle will be a great opportunity for him, though. I am trying to put my own feelings aside and actually keep his in consideration. This is hard to do when all I want is to beg him to stay, or even just pack up and leave. I have to think of him. I have to think about Phoebe. I have to think of everyone but myself.

For the first time, I have to think about someone else's future, and not just my own. I have to put their happiness before mine. Saying goodbye to Matty is the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't think it will ever get any easier.

-

The weekend rolls around, and Matty has his bags packed. Well, for the most part. There are things he still needs, but he said he would get the last of his things when his house sells. He is ready to go to Seattle. Well, as ready as he can be. Am I ready? No. Fuck no. I am the complete opposite. I am damn good at pretending, though.

Stay strong for Phoebe.
Stay strong for Matty.

He leaves Friday morning and we say our goodbyes quickly. Our final goodbyes. We had already said everything else we needed days before. We made it a point to show how much we loved each other during our limited time together. As he drives off, I see him looking out of his rear view mirror and wave lightly. I wait until his car is completely out of sight before I start to cry.
-
Author's Note!!!!
.......
I love you all.

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