—Phil's PoV—
I didn't actually have to stop talking to Dan. My dad doesn't know about him.
But it's for the best.
In these past few weeks I've caused more harm to Dan than anyone else in his entire life; I've killed his best friend, caused issues in his relationship, made him cry... I'm not a good person, and Dan deserves only the best. Sure, Connor gets overly jealous, but at least he knows his goddamn last name. I bet they're having sex right now.
It's better if I stop whatever this is and get hurt now than we fall too deep, get too close, and hurt ourselves more.
I sighed I stared at my phone looking back at the texts sent between Dan and I.
Everything was going fine before Connor entered the picture.
It's selfish, I know, but I wish Connor wasn't so... Perfect. Objectively, he was everything you'd want in a guy; muscular, sweet, tall, handsome...
And me? I look like slender man's plastic surgery went wrong.
It's funny, really. How I thought I could compare; that I thought Dan could have a crush on me... Dan doesn't deserve that. I'm toxic for him.
"Philip get dressed! We're meeting Amber in less than an hour!" Father called from presumably the hallway.
"Yes father!" I sighed as I opened YouTube and searched for a song that I knew too well... And no-one else did.
I can never stand before I fall,
Trapped within these empty walls.
Blurry screams and deafening silence,
The future dark and void of promise.
I don't want to live until tomorrow,
If I'm still trapped in a lonely burrow.
So what if I will die alone?
So what if I can't on my own?
Unloved, hated, mute, unappreciated,
I don't want to be loved if it matters when I am cremated.
Bittersweet, and I can't manage,
My mind's just a deadly passage.
I'm just not worth a memory-
"PHIL TURN THAT EMO S### OFF!" I grumbled before turning it down so he couldn't hear it but I could.
"Yes father!"
"Good now put something with actual production quality! That sounds like a 10 year old on drugs sang it!" Ouch.
By the time we'd stopped 'arguing' the song was already nearing the end.
Come with me... take a tour of my brain,
Monsters await.
But don't be afraid... for me,
All damage has been done already.
So now I plead of you, my friend,
When I go and bring my end,
Will you please just forget me?
... If you haven't already.
Unloved, hated, mute, unappreciated,
I don't want to be loved if it matters when I am cremated.
Bittersweet, and I can't manage,
My mind's just a deadly passage.
I'm just not worth a memory
Oh, I'm not a memory.
Not a memory, a memory,
I don't want, no, I don't want, I don't want
To.. be.. a memory
So leave my funeral empty.
The outfit I picked out wasn't something I'd usually wear, it was a grey suit and navy blue tie with a boring white button up, but I knew dad- Father- had definitely booked a reservation at a fancy restaurant for the rendezvous.
After fixing my quiff, I grabbed my phone and reluctantly walked downstairs.
"There you are. Took your damn time."
"Sorry father."
"Shut up and get in the car." I obliged and the entirety of the car journey was mostly in silence, but occasionally father would remind me to be polite, attentive, and respectful. "Girls love gentlemen," he'd remark, "and Amber's a girl you want to impress." And then he'll start going on about the agreement he made with the police chief, before shutting up again.
Eventually, I stuck a headphone in my ear, unknown to my father.
How long can I last being useless me?
Surrounded by perfect entities,
Who may seem happy,
But hide their flaws with jagged swords,
Where the truth's beneath the floorboards?
Before I fall to deep,
Forcing you to catch me?
Because I'm,
Yes I'm,
I'm just useless me,
It's how it's always gonna be,
I'll be useless me,
And that's fine by me.
Sooner than I hoped, we were parking in the restaurant's car park. Oh god.
I was about to meet my future wife.
"John!" My dad exclaimed, "It's so good to meet you again!"
"Hello, Nigel,"
"And you must be Amber! Amber, this is my son Philip."
"Hi..." She muttered, looking down uncomfortably. Amber was actually quite pretty, she had light-blue eyes which complimented her long brunette hair. Freckles were dotted around her cheeks and on her small button-nose. Her hair was extremely curly with bleached blonde ends, and she seemed to stare at it in disgust every so often.
"Hey..." Father nudged me in the elbow, causing me to 'correct' myself "Greetings, it's wonderful to meet you."
"Well, lovebirds, we've actually booked a table just for you two!" Amber's father (John, I think) informed us.
Save me. "Oh, that's wonderful, thank you sir."
"You're very welcome, son. Now, go and eat. The meals are on us." We both nodded with feigned smiles and darted off to the waitress swiftly.
The silence between us was heavy and tense, neither of us wanting to talk first. Not quickly enough, we were assigned a table and were ordering expensive meals we couldn't pronounce even if we tried.
After the orders had been placed, the silence returned before Amber hastily uttered, "Okay, I'm going to be honest when I say I'm not interested at all, sorry..."
Relief washed over me like a tidal wave, and it probably shone on my face. "Oh, thank god. I'm not either."
"That's good." Another pause, "Who's yours then?"
"Excuse me?"
"Who would you rather date that you can't have? I'm assuming that is the case?"
"You're smart. His name's Dan, he's an online friend of mine but I stopped talking to him, though, because our friendship was doing more harm than good."
"Oh, my condolences." I shrugged before leaning back and looking across the sea of people populating the restaurant.
"Yours? If you have one, that is,"
"Damn right I have one. My girlfriend, Raven. I love her so much, but I could never tell my parents..."
"I know the feeling. My crush's got a boyfriend, too. One he can actually meet."
"That sucks."
"Life sucks."
"I'd have to agree there," The waiter came and set our glasses down on the mats, carefully pouring wine in before setting the bucket on a patch of spare space on the table. "Thank you,"
"Thanks." I added when he poured mine.
"Here's to the people we can't have," Amber grinned as she held up her wine for a toast. "At least in public."
"Cheers," She repeated my response before practically chugging the wine.
YOU ARE READING
Crime Can't Love \/ Phan \/ COMPLETE
Fanfiction" For the first time I felt I saw Daniel Howell, the lonely boy who puts everything into his job so he can feel there are some people out there who will not leave him. And for the first time Dan saw me, Philip Michael Lester, the suicidal runaway wh...
