the girl in the stands - shawn mendes

chapter twenty

lauren,

how do you forgive someone for cheating on you?

i love shawn, i know i do but i'm not sure how to forgive him for what he did.

but i feel like i want him in my life, but i don't want him as my boyfriend.. not right now.

i had just woken up, and my mom was on a business trip for the weekend so i was left alone.

i haven't seen my father in two months.

that's how long he's been gone and i'm okay with that, just feels weird without his constant lectures about yale.

i was currently drinking a cup of coffee.

when the doorbell rang.

i wasn't expecting anyone.

i walked over to the door and opened it seeing shawn standing there with yellow roses in his hand.

i set the coffee down on the small dresser that by our front door.

"shawn? what are you-" he cut me off.

"i was being selfish when i got into that accident and i just wanted to say that i'm sorry" he said.

"okay" i said.

"can i please come inside so we can talk?"

i sighed and let him inside.

"i'm sorry too"

"what?" he said looking at with his eyebrows furrowed.

"i-i mean me and you.. we were serious and we should've sat down and we should've talked about what happened and how to work through it but instead i ran and i'm sorry. i think we should talk now"

"yeah. yeah, okay" he said and handed me the yellow flowers. i put them in a vase in the kitchen and then i made shawn some coffee and brought to him on the couch.

"look, i'm not sorry that i've begged for your forgiveness for months, i'm not sorry that i met you, or that i got to know you. i'm not sorry that i took you out on dates, or that i let you meet my mother and know my story.. lauren i am not sorry that i'm in love with you"

"but i am sorry that i kissed samantha" he said.

"is that all it was? just a kiss?" i asked him.

"yeah. it was just a kiss" he said.

"i am sorry-" i put my hand up so he'd stop talking.

"shawn." i said.

"you really hurt me. you hurt me in a way nobody has ever and i'll forever hate you for that, but" i stopped. "i love you, and because of that i can't stay mad at you.. i can't stand not talking to, it breaks my heart to not talk to you everyday, and i really just can't stand the thought of losing you."

and i kissed him.

he didn't hesitate to kiss me back. we stayed like this kissing for awhile.

the kiss soon turned into a full make out session. but then we pulled away.

"i love you" he said when we pulled away.

—

i was currently laying in shawn's arms on my couch.

"i'm sorry" he whispered as he ran his fingers up and down my arm.

i was going to say something but my phone started ringing. it was jack.

"jack? who's jack?" shawn asked me.

and you could definitely hear the jealousy in his voice.

"he's someone i met at the university. he's a friend" i said.  "i told you that when you called me"

i put the phone to my ear and got out of shawn's arms and sat up a little.

"hey" i said.

"so i heard that your graduation is in two months" he said.

"well it is" i answered.

"i'm coming to see a friend of mine in Toronto around that time so maybe i'll get to watch you" he said.

"that would be amazing, jack" i smiled.

"yeah. how are you?" he asked me.

"i'm okay. how are you?"

"i'm great, yeah. i know you told me how you keep seeing shawn and i know you guys are most likely going to be back together soon.." he started.

"what are you getting at?"

"have you told him about the school. and leaving?" he asked sighing.

"no" i whispered. "just the school"

"you should. i'll let you go but talk to him" he said and the call ended.

"he talks really loud." shawn said from the couch.

i was standing in front of him.

i turned and looked at shawn.

"what haven't you told me?" he asked.

"nothing" i said and sat back down in his arms.

"are you sure?" he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

"yes" i said and closed my eyes for a second.

—

i opened my eyes and saw i was on my couch with a blanket wrapped around me but no shawn. i guess he must have left.

i looked at my phone, and saw a text from him.

shawn: when you wake up, come on the roof.

the roof? um okay.

i got off the couch, and walked out to my backyard and i climbed up and got on the roof, i looked around until i saw shawn on the other side just sitting and staring off.

i smiled slightly and then walked over to him.

"hi" i said as i sat down next to him.

"hey, beautiful" he smiled.

which i smiled at.

"why are we up here?" i asked him as i put my hand on his shoulder and looked at him.

"it's nice. sitting on a roof, the view, it's nice." he said glancing over at me.

"it is" i said looking at the sky and all the cars pass by.

"come here" he said and pulled me to him.

he looked me in the eyes.

"i want to promise you something" he said and pulled out a small white box.

it almost looked like he was going to propose but we both knew it was way too soon for that.

we were only together for two months before he cheated and we broke up.

he opened it. it was a ring. and it was absolutely stunning.

"oh my god" i smiled looking at it, then back up to shawn.

"i want to promise to always love you." he said.

"okay." i smiled.

"i love you too" i smiled.

he took my hand, and slipped the ring on my finger.

"and this isn't from the ring. it's from me, but lauren, i promise that i will never hurt you again." he said grabbing both my hands.

and i really hope he keeps that one.

i nodded. i didn't say anything, i just kissed him.

and he kissed me back, after the kiss, we just sat there on my roof in each other's arms.

i was so in love with this boy. it's not even a human feeling anymore, how in love i am. i never thought it was possible.