the girl in the stands - shawn mendes

chapter thirty five

lauren,

"hello?" i heard his voice on the other end and i felt everything stop. i really didn't think he would answer but he did and i'm actually happy.

i've spent the last year hating him for leaving like he did but in reality i just missed him a lot.

"dad?" i said quietly.

"lauren" he spoke. "i-i didn't realize"

"please don't hang up" i said quickly.

"alright" he sighed on the other end. "is everything alright?"

"no" i said. "please come home"

"lauren,-"

"dad" i whispered. "please, please come home. i need you. i need you"

"lauren, what's going on?" he asked.

"how could you leave her? how could you leave her alone?" i asked with tears in my eyes.

"i didn't" he said.

"you left her. i thought you loved her, how could you walk away?" i asked.

"she kicked me out, lauren." he said hardly.

"yes but you-you walked away. you didn't even try to come back home. you didn't fight for her. how could you not fight for her?"

"lauren, are you back home?" he asked ignoring my question.

"what?"

"why don't you come meet me at our favorite place? the diner, i'll be there in a few minutes"

"you're here?" i asked quietly.

"meet me and i...will explain everything." he said.

"okay" i said. "i'll see you in a few minutes"

i hung up the phone.

"see who?" i spun around and saw shawn standing a few feet away from me.

"i have to go" i said quickly and tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him.

"yeah, i can't let you walk away" he said and forced me to look at him and i did. "where are you going? who are you going to see?"

"shawn-"

"no, lauren" he said. "don't lie to me"

i looked at him. "i'm going to see my dad"

he let go of my hand when i said the words and he just stared at me.

"can i go now?" i asked when he didn't say anything.

"why the hell are you going to see him?" he asked me.

"i wouldn't expect you to understand" i said.

"right" he said and i immediately regretted my words.

"that's not what i meant and you know it" i said. "shawn, hes my dad."

"i know who he is." he said. "lauren, he made you so miserable when he was around. i just don't understand why you want to see him after everything? you used to call me crying at night because of him. don't you remember all of that? remember we had to sneak around so he wouldn't find out about us?"

"of course i remember" i said quietly. "yes, i remember all of it. but it doesn't matter because he's still my dad and i know he cares about me"

"all that man cared about was you going to yale"

"i don't believe that" i said

"lauren-"

"no, stop!" i yelled. "you don't know him. he's my dad, that's not all he cared about. he cares about me and he cares about my mom"

"i think this isn't really about you, it's about your mom dating" he said.

"no, it's not"

"you're in denial"

"i'm leaving!" i said and pushed past him and for good this time

*

i walked inside the diner and looked around for him and i saw him in the back corner so i walked over and slid into the booth, sitting across from him.

he looked at me but didn't say anything to me. he looked down at the menu in front of him.

after a few moments, he put the menu down and looked at me. "you look good. how are you?"

"she has a boyfriend. did you know that?" i asked him ignoring his question.

"yes" he nodded. "yes, i know. she called me"

"so why aren't you... why aren't you doing anything?"

"what would you like me to do?"

"you just don't care, do you? did you ever?"

"lauren, of course i care"

"no, you don't." i shook my head. "because you're sitting here in this booth and not over there trying to get her back. you don't care"

"i did go over there when she called and i tried, lauren. she doesn't want me, which is understandable. i left her, i walked away when i should've stayed and she's moved on. i have to respect that" he said.

"you're just giving up? you're just going to give up on the woman you love?"

"what me and your mother have... it's not what you and shawn do. it's not, so you might not understand."

that broke my heart because i wanted them to be like me and shawn because then that meant they weren't really in love and they wouldn't be together again.

"i should go. this was obviously a mistake" i said and started to get up.

"lauren, wait" he stopped me and i sat back down.

"what?"

"i didn't just leave your mother, i left you too but you haven't mentioned it"

"you never cared for me, dad. all you wanted was for me to go to yale. i don't believe that me crying over you leaving me would have any effect on you because it wasn't hard for you to do that. it didn't hurt you to walk away from me. you were probably overjoyed"

"that's not true" he said. "lauren, that's not true"

"i don't believe you" i said.

"why do you think i'm still here? because i can't leave you. you hate me and you should and i've come to terms with that but i'm still here keeping an eye on you. you're going to florida and you're dancing and i think that's great"

"what?" i said.

"i wanted to go to yale, i did and i wanted you to go too but what you don't know is that i dropped out. i wanted you to go and be different. i guess really i just wanted you to fulfill my dream and i didn't think about what you really wanted. i didn't even stop to think that maybe you didn't want yale."

"even when i told you every time? all the times i told you i didn't want it"

"i was selfish" he said. "i was so selfish and i'm sorry"

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— i'm sorry i haven't been updating a lot! i have more rime now so i'll try to update more! thank you guys so much for reading this book. i never expected it to get this far!

— i also just published a new book if you want to read it! it's called one night.

— stay positive during this pandemic. and stay safe please, luvs 💓