the girl in the stands - shawn mendes

chapter thirty three

lauren,

i knocked on the door lightly and stood back as i waited for it to open and it did a few moments later and there stood in front of me was jack.

"lauren, what are you doing here?" he asked me, confused but he didn't seem like he didn't want me here.

"i'm sorry" i said. "i'm sorry i didn't tell you how i felt. i should have. you deserved to know how i felt but i didn't tell you and you hate me now but i am really sorry"

"i don't hate you" he said.

"you should" i said.

"i can't" he said. "i can't hate you, lauren."

"i have feelings for you. i have real feelings for you" i said. "and i have feelings for shawn"

"you know how i feel" he said. "so who do you want to be with?"

i didn't answer the question, i just looked away from his gaze.

"because you can't have us both" he said. "i want to be with you, lauren. you deserve everything and i will give you everything. i would never hurt you like he did. i would never cheat on you or lie to you like he did"

i nodded my head as the tears rolled down my face and i smiled at him. "you're right"

"lauren..." he said softly as he looked at me like i was everything to him.

"you want perfect and beautiful but i'm not that. i'm not perfect at all and i'm..."

"you are beautiful" he finished for me. "you are"

"shawn tells me i deserve better than him and he's probably right after everything he put me through. all the pain and hurt. he broke my heart. you were there." i said with a slight chuckle.

"you do... deserve better"

"don't you see it, jack? i'm him" i said.

"what are you talking about?"

"i didn't cheat on you or lie about anything but... i did hurt you so much and i put you through pain just like that. jack, you deserve better than me. i'm him"

"lauren-"

"i have to go but i'll see you tonight at the fundraiser, right?"

"yeah." he nodded and with that, i turned around and walked away.

*

i sat on my bed and looked out of the window and watched everyone walking and talking with friend and just felt more sad about my breakup with shawn and the way things are with jack right now.

i had to choose somebody to be with and i knew that. but how was i suppose to choose when they are both great guys. i don't deserve either of them.

my phone started ringing, breaking me out my thoughts about my relationship troubles and i picked the phone up and saw that it was hailey calling me so i answered it.

"hi" i said.

"hey, how's florida? you don't call much" she said.

"sorry. a lot has happened" i sighed.

"you mean with shawn?" she asked me.

"how do you know about that?" i asked.

"he called me but don't hate him for that. i practically threatened it out of him" she said. "what happened, laur?"

"jack. i have feelings for two incredible guys and i can't choose" i said. "it should be easy, but it's not. i-i should know who i want but i don't."