the girl in the stands - shawn mendes

chapter thirty

lauren,

i walked inside the large house letting the smell of alcohol and drugs hit me and i grabbed onto shawn's hand and looked around for chels and the guys.

i saw them on the other side of the room and i led shawn over to them and greeted a few people along the way trying to be friendly but when we reached my friends, i instantly dropped shawn's hand when jack turned to me.

he just stared at me for a really long time and i bit my lip not knowing what i should do.

"lauren! you made it" chelsea smiled and hugged me.

"yeah, i-" i stopped looking at jack who looked like he was in pain.

we pulled away and i gave her a smile. "um, this is shawn. my boyfriend"

"shawn, i've heard so much about you" chelsea smiled.

"yeah" he said and glanced at me.

"jack-"

"i should go get a drink" and with that, he walked away.

i turned to shawn. "i'll be back"

i turned and followed jack over to where the drinks were.

"jack, can we talk?"

he turned to me. "i don't-"

"please? just give me a few minutes"

"fine" he said and looked at me.

"i know you probably hate me-"

"no, let me stop you" he said holding his hand up. "i don't hate you, lauren. i wish i hates you, i want to hate you.. because that would make it so much easier. i did so much to help you, to-to get through to you how this is a mistake. i was there for you when you cried over him, he broke your heart twice. i-i was there for you. not him.. yet you still go back to him and that-that is beyond me" he said.

"jack, you wouldn't-"

"i wouldn't understand?" he asked. "you're wrong there, because i would. i was you..i-i went back to my ex after she cheated on me every time because i thought that was love, because i thought i had to but that-you've got it wrong. what you and him have-that-that's not love-"

i felt my eyes start to water because it was a lie, me and shawn are in love and i know that.

"jack, you're wrong" i whispered.

"nobody brings their highschool boyfriends to college. it's not love, lauren. you'll realize that soon"

"i'm sorry that-that your ex hurt you and made you believe that real love doesn't exists and i'm sorry that i hurt you. but i love him, jack."

"no, you don't" he said raising his voice making me close my eyes for a second. i opened them again to see jack looking at me and he looked angry now. "you don't know what love is. love is.. its that feeling, the feeling that you would do anything for that one person no matter how much it hurts you. it's the butterflies in the stomach, the stupid smile.. it's the feeling, it's not the-it's not the person or the things the person says. you have to feel it. lauren, when you're in love with someone, you don't hurt them. you don't break them to the point where they-they wish they weren't alive."

i didn't say anything, i just stood there and then i looked at jack. "you're right"

"what?" i heard shawn, i turned and saw shawn now standing next to me. he just have heard what jack said. "lauren, i-"

"just let me finish" i said to shawn and looked at jack.

"you are right, jack. that is what love is.. but there isn't a perfect relationship. there can't be one where you're not hurt, where you don't get hurt because that's not real love. real love is fighting for the person you love no matter what and that's what he did." i said and reached grabbing shawn's hand.

"shawn hurt me in the worst possible way and yeah twice but what made me go back was that he didn't stop fighting. i told him to go away so much but he stuck by my side because it's love. because we love each other and we-we don't wanna lose that, and we won't lose that because we have each other. and i know you couldn't possibly understand that but just understand that i'm happy and i do want to be alive."

"yeah, yeah whatever. are you telling me my feelings were one sided?" he asked me.

i let go of shawn's hand hearing the question and i felt both eyes on me. jack and shawn. i didn't respond to the question.

"i-i saw the look you gave me that day. you-you wanted me to kiss you"

"but i didn't kiss you"

"but you wanted to"

"jack, you don't know anything" i said.

"but i do. i know you.. and i know how this will end and i won't be there for you when it does because i deserve better.. you do too but you'll never see that" he said and walked away leaving me and shawn alone.

"lauren" shawn said softly and i turned to him and saw pain all over his face. the very last thing i wanted.

"shawn, i love you" i said.

"i know" he said. "but you have feelings for jack"

"shawn-"

"no, no i get it. i hurt you and met someone and maybe you didn't have feelings or you did, but you didn't know it. but i know it and you know it, you just don't wanna admit it"

"but i wanna be with you."

"it's not enough"

"but you said-"

"i said when i knew you didn't kiss him but-but you wanted to kiss him, didn't you? he was right"

"i-i-shawn-"

"is that an answer?"

"no"

"sure feels like one" he said and looked away.

"please.. please don't leave me" i said and put my hands on his face but he backed away.

"i love you. lauren, i do. but i can't do this, i can't be with you if you have feelings for someone else so i need you to figure that out and when you do. you know where to find me" he said.

"shawn-"

"i can't be your second choice and i won't be, ever."

"but you're not" i cried out but he ignored me and just walked away.

"hey, let's get you out of here" chelsea walked over and put her arms around me and led me out the backdoor.

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