Always (2/3)

16: you've given 'ignorant asshole' a new meaning

16
Dipper

    When I made it back to the manor, the sitting room had been evacuated. Not that this surprised me. First Pacifica had stormed out of the room, and I followed close behind. Just like it had always been. How did you explain that to someone?

   Oh, no I was just chasing after the blonde beauty who stole my heart, crushed it, and left it to crumble until it was nothing more than dust. Now let's watch the rest of that movie!

   No, that wasn't how things were going to go down. I felt my hands clench themselves in my hair as I often did during times like these albeit rarely occurring. My head began to spin rapidly and I unconsciously reached into my pocket trying to find a cigarette.

   When I found none, I was both profoundly relieved and disappointed. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye.

It was Mabel, although she was staring at her nails, inspecting them as well as occasionally brushing off the imaginary dirt. But every so often she would look at me, eyes meeting mine, giving me a disappointed look.

   "Mabel." I regarded her with careful eyes. "Why could you possibly be giving me that look?"

   "Dipper," she shook her head, sadly amused. "Congratulations."

   "I beg your pardon?" I raised a brow, almost appalled.

   "You have invented a new kind of stupid." She walked over to me, arms crossed over her chest. "A 'damage you can never undo' kind of stupid. Wow, aren't you stupid?"

   "What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded, clenching my fists at my sides. Who the hell did she think she was? "I repeat, what the hell are you talking about?"

   Mabel clicked her tongue. "Oh Dipper, Dipper Dipper." She shook her head, her eyes growing sadder but it was quickly replaced by a burning anger. "Let's review; you wait for so long for Pacifica to return but the moment she shows her face you turn-tail and run away. Not only do you run away but you run away with her best friend." She explained, her voice only seeming to grow colder and angry.

   I opened my mouth to respond, but once again, I was cut off. "God, you make it out like the whole world's against you, but really the only one against you is yourself! The moment you let your heart in the open it was hurt. But now you won't even acknowledge that it's alive!"

   I was getting annoyed with that. Everyone who wanted me to say something to them cut me off every single time I tried to open my mouth. That would have to change. It would have to change immediately.

   "You know why I can say this? You know why I can say whatever the hell I want?" She demanded, getting up in her face, pointing a finger at my chest like it was a blade. "Because I actually know what's best for you when you're so goddamn oblivious to it! So yes, congratulations!"

   "Mabel," I started.

   "You've given 'ignorant asshole' a new meaning." She pointed out unkindly.

   "Mabel," I frowned.

   "God, Dipper." She said, exasperated. "I can't help but look at you and think 'what have you done with your life, and where did it get you?'."

   "You're not exactly a saint either, Mabel." I scoffed.

   "I'm not giving away the only person in my life who made me feel something like you are." She hissed. "She is the best thing in your life and here you are, throwing it all away! Do you know the costs of your actions, Dipper?"

   "Mabel you don't understand!" I exclaimed, growing more and more frustrated. "You dunno everything that happened!"

   "I know enough, Dipper." She frowned, backing off slightly.

   "Mabel I'm not having this conversation with you." I growled. "You dunno what it was like for me! So just stop pretending like you know what I'm going through!"

   "Then try explaining it to me!" She yelled. "Then I can understand!"

   "I'm not talking to you about this, I already said I wouldn't." I frowned. "You--"

   "Don't understand." She finished angrily.

   I ran another hand through my hair. "Now, I'm going up to my room for the night, I will not be disturbed for the remainder."

   Mabel scoffed. "Um, what about your guests?"

   In the midst of talking --well arguing-- about Pacifica, I'd completely forgotten about the other girls who planned on staying the night.

   "I have one question, Dipper." Mabel suddenly whispered, shocking me. This entire conversation she had to try to keep her voice down but now her voice sounded like ice. "You waited so long for her to come back, why did you move on right when she came back?"

   I didn't answer Mabel's question. Instead, I walked away from her looking for Janessa. I needed to explain what happened. I heard Mabel's taunting scoff coming from behind me as I walked away. I didn't see how me moving on from Pacifica affected her.

   "Sorry if I expected that after you chased after her," Mabel called from the other room, "that you two would come back together!"

   I rolled my eyes in annoyance. She always had to barge into problems that weren't hers to worry about or solve, much like Pacifica.

   Stop talking about Pacifica. My heart warned me. It only leads to trouble.

   I shook my head. I hated admitting it to myself, but when Pacifica and I were arguing outside, my heart began racing. It was so much like when I confessed to loving her in August all those years ago. But now I had an answer for Mabel's question;

   My heart wouldn't be able to take it when she left again.