52 weeks of positivity (kinda)

Monster (part 2 )

My creator looks at me in disgust
And turns away
Her flicking ponytail as she walks away
Is more than a familiar image
I barely whisper
"Are you afraid of what you've created?"
My once flawless skin is now a wreck of scars of hurt

My blackened lips
From trying to say the lies that will make you ok

My dull eyes
From sleepless nights
Full of conversations that only spiral down
With things you really should've told your therapist
Not your 13 yr old girlfriend.

My ears broken
From listening for words never said
The weeks of silence
So full of noises
But I longed so much for any of them to be made by you

My flattened nose
Hit by every mean remark
When things didn't go quite your way

My trembling hands
As you've trained me so well now
I'll punish myself if I make a mistake

My blue blood
Loyal to you
Only to you
Need to look after you
Keep you alive
Or my mattered skins not worth it

My churning stomach
The feels everything and nothing at once
Gave depressions and anxiety capital letters
But that was always nothing
Compared to your pain, your struggles
That soaked the wood in water to keep it from ever lighting a spark of rebellion
Whenever I tried to talk
Waving for a rescue rope
From the bottom of the pit
You only jumped down too
And made me ashamed for even crying out

I'm the monster you made
One dark night
In a flash of despair
When you told me you wanted to die
This was created to keep you alive
You made me
Yet I paid the price
Anything, anything to keep you happy
Till it tears me apart enough
That I can see right through what she's made of me
So I decide to leave

I will change my life around
New friends to replace the ones we shared
New paths to avoid the ones you tread on
New filters to block out your voice you laugh which hurts in such a pure way

I broke up with you
Or rather pleaded for you to let me go
So now
I am the devil
The bitch
The heartbreaker
I shout
"why did you never tell me you were getting better, as I crumbled to ruins?"
"You made me, at a time when no one else is creating monsters, couldn't you have least made me a friend"
And shout
" you know, sometimes when I worried so much I had convinced myself that you were dead. I felt relieved"
But you don't even flicker in acknowledgment

So that's why I'm a monster
With my
My scars of pain, one that I hurt enough to carve
My black lips
My dull eyes

You look at me in disgust
The minute I decide I want to leave

You tell me what a monster I've become
Ha!
Though you now shun me
I am your reflection
Your protector
Your monster

As you walk away
Ponytail flickering in the wind
In the sublime scenery stuck in my head
I know I will have to learn to love
This monster I've become.

Notes
I've been working on this one for a while and I'm very proud of it 9/10. It's about her 1 (will make more sense if you read my other stuff) poetry is flowing quite well recently which is nice.