52 weeks of positivity (kinda)

My gut

My gut is telling me "no"

To a simple sleepover with friends

And, your meant to trust your gut

But I normally do the opposite,

And when it goes wrong

Tell myself to listen to my gut next time.

But at this point

I'm not sure if its instinct

Or just plain anxiety

And I really need a therapist,

To help me sort one from the other

As for a while now my guts been acting like I'm a prey animal

Not the apex predator badass human being I am

I suppose it could be because:

Last time it was just us three

I got out for my crush on one of them and I still feel vulnerable

It could be:

They person we didn't invite

Shrinking my stomach from years of taught behaviour

It could be:

The unknown of our dynamic

Just us on our own

I also could just be hungry

As my guts an organ as well as a warning system

And sometimes I give ok memories

Bad connotations

Because of other things going on at the time

Which mean I don't react well to similar things

And well, im desperately afraid of the unknown

So im feeling very twisting and turning

But that's what a healthy gut looks like anyway.

Notes:
Had a few days at my aunts helping with the children which is really hard work. On the train back now, had fun! I wish I could think of a better ending for this poem but I do like some bits of it.