52 weeks of positivity (kinda)

A boy

i met a boy in uganda

his name was Olly

he asked me if i was single

Although not for the reason you're thinking

As I'd already informed him

I was very very gay.

I told him I had a girlfriend but we broke up

"why?" he asked

"Cause she's a bitch"

"why?" he asked

I took a deep breath

"Cause it was an emotionally abusive relationship"

"oh" he said "samezies"

and he went on briefly to explain a girlfriend he'd had

The situation seemed a lot worse then mine

but that could be because I haven't properly accepted how bad mine was.

The conversation got shut down

Sooner then I would've liked

Though he did trigger me a few times

Even though I already made pretty clear what my triggers were

Afterwards I simultaneously wanted to talk to him

and avoid him as much as possible.

hmmm that's a familiar feeling,

and I needed to know where he was at all times

and my stomach hurt around him.

Wait,

F***

he's a surrogate ex- girlfriend

My brain not used to not having to see her

so it attaches the feeling to a surrogate instead.

Thank god it happened at the end of the trip

and at least I'm starting to notice  these things

Now I don't actually have to see her anymore 

I can finally start to forget.

Now I've just got to stop constantly checking my messages.

Notes:

I like the misleadingness of the beginning of the poem. and the phrase "he's a surrogate ex girlfriend" like all the gender roles completely messed up. I really need some more therapy, but ill see how good mental health facilities are at new school and remember to go tell them I exist. Went to Pride recently , was a lot of fun. So many rainbows!!