52 weeks of positivity (kinda)

Trying to get to sleep

Last night

In bed

Twisting

Turning over

Different positions

Different surface areas of skin exposed

I finally get up to open the window

And throw the blanket off my bed

As sleep seems so far away

Prom,

Flashes back to me

When my friends' parents had already dragged them home

And I was left to hang with Ella's gang

Aka "the anime gang"

Aka "the gay gang"

Depending who you ask

Id wanted to be a part of this gang

Since I saw lizzie chasing (who was then called Annie)

Around the grounds

So the pressure is high.

I catch myself

During the interation

Making self deprating joke

What?

That's never been me

Ive always had a higher then average view of myself

I felt so ashamed

of making people feel the uncomfortable

I'd grown used to

And would never wish on another sole

Why do I care so much about this group of people

Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side

And I'm too scared to be myself

In case they don't accept me

So I beat myself up about it

Tossing

Turning

Twisting

Wait!

I just feeding into the self-deprivation

I was just trying really hard

And I noticed and stopped it

They've probably already forgotten

So, although the twist of embarrassment is still there

My breathing evens out

And next thing I know its morning.

notes:

(for the week of july 29) hey guys im back. and tired. 3 weeks in Uganda. Luckily I wrote quite a few poems before so I actually have enough for the next few weeks to catch up fully. Any questions about Uganda or anything at all just message me, I'm not very good with making internet friends so I don't know how it works. (I also have now 5 followers (YAY))