Kari's Drabbles

Inside

  They don't like me. They don't like you. In fact, they don't like anyone. They tell me these things, whispering to me their secrets and their regrets. They try to tell me who to be, and I defy them. Or at least I try to be defiant. They won't let me though. They control me the way they want to. I am merely a puppet to use for their own gain. When they want something, they use me to get it.
I hug myself, trying to get away from them. They reveal the bitter side of me. They show me the world and the darkness hidden under it. They show me things no person would ever bare to see. The world is cloaked in a black shroud, that shroud strangles every human that lives. It blindfolds them and keeps them away from the truth. No one knows, therefore, no one asks questions.
I am the only one who asks questions. I beg them to take away the pain and anguish, but they only enhance it. It's as if they take joy in my sorrow. My worries are their drug, and I am merely the device that gives those sorrows to them. I can't stop them. And If I can't stop them, no one can. I've tried, and tried, but they don't listen.
They've turned me into a monster. I hardly recognize myself anymore. They make me do things....things that would shock the world. Am I the only one who knows that they're there? Am I the only one who can hear their own pain? Why must we be put through this? What did we ever do? Wait...why am I conjoining myself with them? We are separate. We are nothing alike. They predict death and they devour pain. I am their marionette. That does not make me anything like them.
"I'm afraid. Help me."
We are helping you...we are your friends.
"But you're not..."
Why do you do deny us so?
"You're not real. You can't be."
Look in the mirror, silly girl. We are in fact, very alive.
I look in the mirror. What I see is a grotesque picture. There are two of me. One is a beautiful yet pale young girl. She is only about 10, and looks just like me, but with dark grey eyes instead of blue. She wears all white, and has large, broken white wings. The other is me as I am now, dressed in all black, with light sky blue eyes. She bares scars and no wings at all. The small me takes my hand.
See? We are real. You just do not realize it. she smiles at me through the reflection. The me in all black puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles as well, but it is a sad smile. She seems to be in constant agony, and it shows through her eyes.
I quickly turn around, as if denying they exist, but their voices ring out in my mind. You cannot deny us forever you know.
"Shut up."
Join us. You know you belong here.
"Shut up."
We'll wait for eternity.
I grab my head and fall to my knees. "SHUT UP!" I shout, but there is no response. The voices have gone away. They're not speaking to me anymore. My outburst has scared them away for now. I feel tears run down my cheeks and fall to the ground. When they hit the ground and cause a ripple through the ground, before turning it red. I put my hand to my face to wipe away the tears, but they burn. I take my hand away from my face, wincing in pain. My skin is burning, smoking even. I hold it to my chest and scream in pain.
You know you cannot run from us anymore.
"Watch me."
There's nowhere to hide, and you know it.
I pause at that. There really is nowhere to hide anymore. I might as well give up. I might as well let them pull me under. Maybe the darkness isn't so bad. Maybe the darkness doesn't really hurt. I could be safe. I could finally let it all go. Nothing would worry me anymore. All I'd have to do is give myself to them.
We can take care of you.
"Forever?"
For eternity.
"Promise?"
Always.
That's the moment that I finally gave myself up to the voices inside my head.
You will always be safe in our hands.