Kari's Drabbles

My Demons

I hear people talking, but their words don't reach me. I'm lost in my own mind, and fighting back emotions that have nothing to do with the conversation. I hold back tears that I feel forming in the corners of my eyes. Someone asks me something and I have to ask them to repeat the question, before answering. I suppress my feelings, my mood just getting worse by the moment. But I hide it well. People always claim they know how you feel, but do they really? Would they even last a day in my head? And hour alone with the demons is enough to drive myself insane, I can't imagine them being friendly with someone else.

It's a constant dance. I'll be fine all day, but one little thing will set me off, and suddenly my demons are whispering to me, filling my head with doubts. I try to fight them, but most days it's just easier to give in to them. Some days it's just easier to let them eat up my insecurities. They try to make up for it afterward, babying me, holding me, consoling me, but it doesn't put me at ease. In public it's harder to hold them back, as they gather around me and whisper their taunts, trying to bring me down in the street.

Most of the time we get along, and are on the same page, but other days, they're the cocky ones, because they know I'll give in to them. Then there are days when I'll over power them, and push them back into the shadows. I know I'll never get rid of them for good, but I do what I can. That's all I can do. No more, no less. It's not perfect, but sometimes, I have to let them win. Not every day can be a victory, and they know it.

But even I know, the day will come when I become a demon myself.