Kari's Drabbles

Do You?

Do you hear it?
The sound of my thumping heart?
It's from the anxiety that I keep at bay,
The sound rings in my own ears so loudly,
It's hard to tune it out.

Do you see them?
The bags under my eyes?
They're from sleepless nights,
Because it's easier to stay up all night,
And sleep the day away,
Instead of facing it.

Do you feel that?
The table shaking?
I can't stop bouncing my leg,
And sometimes I forget I'm doing it,
Or I don't notice I'm doing it at all,
I'm sorry if it disturbs you,
It's a nervous habit I can't help.

Do you notice that?
The way I smile brightly?
It's to hide the pain I'm feeling,
Because it's easier to hide it,
Than to admit that I'm hurting,
It's not a good coping mechanism,
But it's all I know how to do,
Because I can't bare to bring others down.

Do you see that?
The wall I put up?
It's so I can't get hurt,
So I can protect my heart,
Because I know how it feels,
To not feel heard,
To be the one others turn to,
And I don't want others to be hurt,
The way I have been hurt.

Do you hear that?
The quiet sobbing?
That's me, hiding my tears,
Because I don't want people to know,
That my heart is in pain,
So I hide my heart behind walls,
And help others instead of myself,
Because maybe if I put others first,
Maybe if I can make someone else smile,
Then maybe I'll feel better too.