Capricious

Preface

 "Who in the world am I? Ah that's the great puzzle."
- Lewis Carroll

I began this project four years ago, not knowing at the time what it was going to be, not knowing why I was writing it. Quite early on, the word capricious came to me in a dream. At first, I was sceptical that the word existed, but when I looked it up, I realised that my subconscious must have absorbed it at some point, and was now providing it to me. It felt perfect, and from then on, that was its name, Capricious.

Capricious was about becoming change, a transformation of my mind, my perspective, and my self. I wanted to strip away everything that wasn't me and discover myself anew. I questioned the very nature of my identity, of love, of life itself. I dived through my conscious thoughts and the realm of my subconscious. I let my mind wander, and what resulted was a very personal, if very capricious story, that guided me through a period of my life mired by anxiety, depression, heartache, and existential dread.

Now I appear to have reached the end of my project. There is no longer anything more to add. My metamorphosis is complete, and it is time to move on.

I realise this project is unconventional to the extreme. I do not expect anyone to understand it, to admire it, to think it anything more than a barrage of random and disorganised ramblings. I did not write this for anyone else but myself. But perhaps you will understand, perhaps you will realise some of what is hidden between the lines, perhaps you will think it something of some value.

So here it is, whatever it is, my capricious tale.