Capricious

45 - Every Other Second

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself, wanting to be lost again."
- Anon

What are you doing to me? I can't think properly. I know we've barely been together, but I can't help it, I find myself day dreaming about you constantly; of the memories we've made, of just lying by your side staring into you, of the most intensely impassioned erotic sex. When I'm supposed to be working, trying to figure out my future, the thought of you just makes everything else seem so entirely trivial, oh you distract me so.

There's just something about you, you penetrate my every shield so easily, you make me lose control, opening up to you without a second thought. That goofy elegance that warms me to you, how honestly outrageously fun you are to be with, you are so bright it blinds me. I have that desire to dissolve into you, to hold you close and never let you go, to kiss every inch of you and know you through and through. Like some sweet venom you seep through my mind, till the present drops away, till time ceases to exist. I'm addicted to you, my mind craving you so bad, dreaming I'm with you every night, my body itching and aching for you as I wake without you in my arms. You have no idea how you excite me, how sharply you steal my breath, how heavy you cramp my chest; just seeing some small shard of you is enough to get my heart racing, my smile bursting, my erection stirring. However amazing and original the moments I'm living, I still find myself missing you.

I want to experience you, I want to know everything about you, explore every inch of your body and your mind, you interest me to no end. I've been drawn to you since the moment I met you, on the other side of the world, trying to suppress a desire I didn't think you returned, and never once has that feeling faded. I find it so easy to be with you, you have such a beautiful soul, pure yet wise, soft yet fierce, I can feel it when I'm with you, intertwining with mine, dancing and cavorting so gracefully, so harmoniously, so effortlessly. I feel so alive, so invincible when I'm with you, I needn't think, needn't worry, needn't be afraid, I can let myself go, be more myself than I ever could without you.

I've never felt like this before, I don't know what I'm feeling, if I can even trust it, but it's as if my heart is trying to rip itself from my chest to chase after you, it hurts so much to keep it in, to remain part of something that seems so empty without you. You are the most amazing thing I've ever encountered, I never believed someone like you could ever exist, let alone that I would find you. You have completely extinguished my desire for anyone else, you are everything I could ever want.

I want us to be crazy, do everything and anything, live on the edge of possibility. I want to travel to the far reaches of the earth with you, wander through the wonders of the world with you, daze on beaches, explore museums, traverse jungles with you. I want to jump from a plane with you, sample the rarest delicacies with you, climb to the top the world with you, dive to the bottom of the ocean with you. I want to stay in bed watching films all day, then dance and party the nights away; passionate sex whenever, wherever, however we want, lose ourselves in whatever intoxication we want. A train ride across Canada, a village café in Tuscany, camping under the Northern Lights, ice skating across St. Peter's Square. I want to walk through national parks with you, I want to see the Mona Lisa with you, I want to visit theme parks with you, I want to go on a safari with you. I want to go on adventures with you, I want to get lost with you, I want to, just as long as I'm with you.

Yet here I lie, simply suffering for some element of your witty and sophisticated charm. I need to see you, I need to feel you, I need to hear and smell and taste you; I can't bear living with only the echoes you send, with such sparse and blind communication, it's too cold, too cruel, I need you here and now, I need you to be real. I long for the two of us to collapse into ecstasy, just show me you feel the same, we can find a way, we can make it happen.

I don't know if I should be feeling this way, I don't know if you feel the same, but I can't help it, I do. I just want to take over the world with you.