Capricious

78 - Essence

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

And then it takes another turn, a chance at things left to learn, for all the freedoms that I yearn, and every weight starts to burn.

Electric drumming in my head, weight swaying by the thread, stirring that which seems dead, dancing motionless in bed.

Gentle ripples in the lake, sucked in by the snake, the ruins for the take, lost in senses I cannot shake.

Endless thinking ever in sight, only to crown myself a knight, trapped by armour oh so tight, flying in the wind like a kite.

My fears shouting when, will counting up to ten, storing elements in my den, to move forward with my pen.

Marinated in an equivocal spice, enjoying all that is nice, rolling my actions like a dice, ever paying the fairest price.

Like a proud bird forging its nest, all to give my mind a rest, striding through my every test, always having to be the best.

I've become a blank slate, guilty of remorseless hate, my mind always the first thing to sate, all because I don't trust fate.

So begins my esoteric reign, for all my worries lie in vain, I can speed on through whatever lane, dancing while others think me insane.

Sour like a lime, on to commit a silent crime, losing myself to time, all because I cannot climb.

It's a mellow air I've found, calm within the sound, loosening all that's wound, as I float along the ground.

Shaped like dunes of sand, losing myself as planned, yet powerless is my hand, to make them understand.

A dynamic rest, saviour to the flame, hurt by imperfections that did not have to be, dreaming of a life where my mind can openly play. Flashes burn in sketches from time to time, patchworks of my soul seeping when safe, chords to my song breaking through cracks in sensing. Imagination rules my life, creations dawning day or night, I am simply everything that is, that wouldn't exist if I had not. So I will bring myself into this, with brilliance to burn, to play out here and there. My life is to be what I will it to be, I will find ways to live as I truly desire somehow, with all that I miss as lost as it is. I war with myself in a constant blitz of ideas, and carry the guilt of loss wherever I go, but like colour I feed through living, for the rainbows life can hide, tucked within the folds of reality. I am stuck in a dream, yet I hold a mind smart enough to manipulate the world, growing my tools with the sacrifice of time, fashioning the life of a gypsy soul. Diversity and balance are the keys to our gates, the only limits we hold through ignorant belief, but I will surpass the settled sheep, to breed an energy that lies immortal in its frame.

I sleep wherever I lay my head, because home is a state of mind, and my home is wherever I go. I let go, and flow across moments as they rise, whatever fashion may have created them. That spontaneous life, no matter how crazy, no matter what the clouds may think, I will shine on however strange. I love to be weird, and I love others that are so, to be something different and interesting, it dawns such excitement in my soul. Bursting joy flutters through my chest, to be alive amidst endless monotony, living something special, in my kaleidoscopic world.

Peering out from my cushioned state of mind, testing arcs of mistake, flicking through the anxieties in my head, wondering if I'm only hiding in ecstasy. The shares of my personality bought and sold by encounters with the world, entrenched with roadblocks to every vision I yield, all intelligence of choice fusing in its crystal ball. I am one with my shadow, all sun I soak leaving behind an outline of my soul, a silhouette to my apparent puppet show. Clear to a crisp, focus sways and swipes, lives in a lottery with me as their vessel.

Looking back through thoughts of the past, with all I have to my present, living everything that I can, desires playing out as I dream. Maturing I feel, my once chaotic identity, now coming together, building the figure I wished to be. I'm no longer drowning, I've learned to swim, floating in a calmer sea, warmed by the sun and cooled by the breeze. I've conquered my mind, from fool to heir, rising larger and larger, settling into the kingdom of the life I have. I've discovered my own way to be, spells of darkness almost gone for good, I am enough, I have enough, it will be enough. The beauties that once haunted me are within my grasp, knowing now that all I envied was never worth the pain, seeing how all things have to be, just the result of infinite scales balanced to the moment, and surrendering to what I cannot change. I am alive, I am myself, I am the very beauty I watched from afar. There is no need to fear, whatever happens happens, I'm just along for the ride.

It all comes together, built by the gravity of my searching soul, being more than just myself, I am my very life.

Every moment is special, I can sense the beauty of it all, smiling to myself, happy at long last, for this is real, this is magic we live, this is the essence of life.

I have learned to accept all I cannot control, instead working with what I can, searching for motivation, implementing the balance that I seek. I am a scholar of patterns, and the flavours that they have, exploring the way each plays, intoxicated by its individuality. Ever complicating the patterns to my taste, experiencing all the way I am in the moment, to become a master of each world I choose, to move forward with the best of them. The music I hear, the incense I smell, the cuisine I taste, the art I see, the sensations that I feel. Senses together become more, and I live so many lives, all working together within my life, becoming my identity. The worlds I experience, the knowledge I learn, the stories I live, the places I dwell, the people I love. And like that, I have become me.

And now my mind is calm, somehow I fear, that I have lost the magic, only to become like everyone else.