Capricious

38 - Bali - The Island of Turtles

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self."
- Ernest Hemingway

It's slower here, calmer, simpler. The rage of the mainland left behind. Times of little consequence flowing like the gentlest river, in a shade of what I could be missing out on. Reunited with another friend newly found, where conversing requires no effort at all, talking about anything, using her to support my existence in this already founded world. A challenge to forge connections, little in common to share or paths to walk down, yet I mellow in through interest and character, generous compliments, fringing upon edges with a smile or a flirt. Yet in losing myself in this I fear I am losing the past, fading from mind as they lose me too. Still I can find a way to live, surviving by the count, without fear to die, as long as I have some hold.

These creatures alive within my grasp, a crush of delicate strength, their ignorance such bliss, but that I can never give in to again.

And some arrows strike true, and our minds move together for a time, and so we become familiar, that's how we work, to play some game again. Warming slowly to the crowd, collecting all the while, coming and a going, but with every new addition seemingly meaning less and less. Some fear resisting for the future and for being left behind, for not being memorable enough. Yet I doubt such things with what glory I hold, for we are only what we think of ourselves. It's just something I must defeat, something easier to hide under the cloak of a different culture, something that prides itself in lonesome caricatures, but something that vanishes as minds are shared, and invitations are amassed.

Mist shrouding disfigured cliffs in the early hours of the day, clouds glowing heavenly with the newborn sun, foaming waves swarming against the bay. Legends forming around structures of rock protruding wildly from the depths. Eyes absorbing the schools of life that parade around the coral reef, an array of colour and shine, glowing sparks and electric stripes. Wading above monsters of the deep, gliding through the water, metres wide and dark as night. Just collecting experiences, more and more, to make my time appear somewhat useful after all.

Flirting shamelessly with that golden skinned nymph, and she does the same with me. Every unspent moment sporadically gazing at her several seconds at a time, our eyes meeting every so often we know. Her petite frame and proud curvatures, a visage of bright and magical and beautiful proportions. Long occasions spent exchanging words of inspiring pasts and exciting futures, or any random reason whenever she crosses my path. Just to hear her speak in her bouncy melody brushed with an accent of Italy, just to watch that radiant smile playing upon on her little lips, spreading across her face. With her sweet words and exquisite tastes, throughout all these dozens of girls, I want her more than any of them. Young and free and oh so sexy, but unfortunately it seems, too innocent to play intimately with. And so I must await her resurrection within another scene, if it all, if it is to mean anything at all.

Drunken games we play, until again it goes too far. No memory for a time, and then seeing myself not quite as I remember. But together we let loose, in a challenge and a release, upon these sandy shores. Her voice so sweet, pitching at the end of every lyric, so cute, so strangely erotic, so obviously crushing as I tease and tease and tease. She releases her secrets, what she wants of me, and in a state I do forget, I appear to agree. Her adorable little figure, giving in beneath our lust, testing her behind the wall, then we make our move. So nervous, so insecure, but it's as if all her pent up desire has been set free on me. Steady I teach, having sex on the beach, just as friends, what wrong is there in that? Under my control, yet I obey her every command, it just doesn't feel real, as if I'm under the spell of a dream. She erases my fear to make the final move, and through it all we remain friends after still, only with her erecting me forever more.

Being part of a thousand stories, knowing people so different, so unique, so brilliant in so many marvellous ways. Learning so much, playing so much, setting up games for a multitude of prosperous futures. Where sheer distance from home makes us all so much more special. Tasting all I can, fortitude strengthening so easily, personified by the luminous character I have forged from home and heart, for moments so extraordinarily and accidentally perfect, in this here ethereal world.

What maintains a love, what maintains a relationship is a distribution of power, comfortably between two. Some need to be dominant, others prefer a degree of submission, and then there are those of us that desire to be equals. Those too far from our desire we can hardly remain devoted to, it's as simple as that. I don't wish to be in control, nor do I wish to be controlled, I can't bear to sustain it. I am searching for myself, that's the way it's always been, a rival to play with and challenge me so, a friend for which power means nothing, safe and true. A balance found of intelligence, age, maturity, understanding. A misfortune perhaps that not all of us think the same, and more so if we fail to appreciate ourselves enough, or if we believe ourselves too good for another. I guess I have fallen for the idea that I have come closest with her, but I wonder, back in the land of reality, are we really the same people?

The journey's over, this time I'm sure, once more my feet wade through the sand, once more I watch the sun set over this fairytale land. I've outlived my stay, all my companions fallen away, just me absorbing the last, all this present turning into past. The time of my life, living a dream as it were, these islands of beauty, everyone and everywhere. How all has come to this, jumping at every chance no matter the consequence, even with some pain I cannot regret a thing, my only hope that elements of this world can live on into the future. For I have become so much more, I'll take my trophies with me as I please, and until another adventure happens to come about, I will mourn with such sweet fond sorrow. Farewell Bali, you've been awesome.