Capricious

6 - The Rabbit Hole

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
- Marilyn Monroe

A draft passes through me. Now I'm floating in the water. Ripples retract from my light sways. It is bearable, lying on the edge. The edge of water and air, freedom and torment. I pass away from it all. Yet still the water scolds my neck, remnants of that and there.

My head swings and shakes, twists and curls, nods and rises, to the curves of the song. Round fractures in space, a split. From colour and cartoon clouds to stick beings with cone heads, curious and colourless. The song expels power, a rushing stream of pounding waves, but in the form of bursting light. Silver and tan, orange and black.

Velvety smooth, lush and sweet. Succulent swirls and dances. Sudden electric shock to the head. Knee jolts up and down. Face peppers the air, swinging within cylinders, hollow and hidden like Russian dolls. It takes control of me, binds me to its will, that song from Amsterdam. Three layers, shooting out beams of energy, striking me again and again. Hidden sounds never heard before.

Samples from a previous age. They hold me tight, comfort me, make me feel at home, safe from the wonders of the world. Reminiscing in the echoes of beauty past.

Memories old and new, staring at clouds, imagining they held something else amid their mist. Unconscious desire. Faded friends.

I'm spiralling down the rabbit hole. Phasing into the fabric of the world around me. Time slows. A thousand singeing vibrations, shaking deep the fibres of the mind.

I become vertigo. Sailing a cold ship through warm waters. No waves. Perfect stillness. Swaying in non-existent wind, just the balance of worlds.

Our minds are universes within each of us.

Moments pass by. But adding another adds another dimension. Now with everything you do, you have the repercussions of that other and all they'll change. Excitement is created at things felt that could never have been without them. Further infinite streams of possibilities and futures. And you're not as alone.

Those pillars live in harmony, squatting the planes of worlds on their shoulders, all are needed to continue rising.

That astonishing world lived in the night, all passion and captivating delight. We are drawn together by the music, it releases us from the clutches of our lives, just for this time. Swaying with the crowd. Lights, sounds, waves, pulsing out at me. Iridescent beams, visuals, sparks and streams of shine. It sews up the tears in our souls.

Intoxicated on brilliant sounds. We melt into each other, our warmth, our movements becoming one. The storm of music, eccentric and electric. Empowering us all. The kids and hipsters and such. Props collapse around us. Lights form pictures and symbols, bewitch us with their beauty. We're drawn to the light, the heat, the energy. Like simple flies.

The infinite climb. The familiar aches of a time lost in memory. Stairs up mountains. Continuous. Steps into the clouds. Arduous climbs every time. Harder to breathe, easier to live. Again and again.

Losing myself in another person, another world, it slows the current, Charybdis trying to drag me under. A fix from all other life. I am less fearful, less self-conscious. Even with paths split, dividing, one rising, one falling, both their own. We were drawn by being different, our own people, never following the rules if we thought them restrictive. We still come together. Different times, different places, and we exist. We fools who fall.

Worlds I might have lived, missing from my memories, if things had been different. I am haunted by green and friends. By sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. That life of pure beauty straddling, holding me down, living on the edge. Instead I grew with that I didn't truly want, that I never truly knew. I want to be a child again, to have another chance to experience firsts. Scenes missing from who I should have been. Only now, only now am I finally claiming things. Yet it is too late. I am old. It's not the same. I will never get that chance again.

I want to fall naturally, all of a sudden, like rain.