Capricious

37 - Bali - Uluwatu

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt

Blazing along the beaten track, biking through the wind, across bridges and roads, throughout vibrancies on every side. We descend to the breaking beach, waves terrorising cliffs all around, I sink into the sand, with a dazed sense of calm wrapped around my mind. Gazing up into a sky full of stars, glad to be part of something so magically magnificent, with every beautiful soul I encounter here.

Stepping down the stones, to the cosy beach and raging cove. Crystal rocks so fine sinking beneath my feet, wading round towards the caves then catching waves beneath my board. Shooting along with the full power of the tide behind me, surfing to the shore, a radical burst of freedom, only to get swallowed by waves too extreme. All for the painful fun of fitting in and up and on and on.

Scaling sacred realms, standing at the edge of the world, and as the naked sun sets, the fantasy of night awakes.

Collapsing into the valley of the night, ready to surrender to the madness of whatever foolishness it might bequeath. An empty beginning I cannot quite adapt to, still I try to ignore it, spreading love across all without bias, pushing past problems and pains and panic of persecution, telling myself I rule my own destiny. And so we dance through the sand, sampling tricks for simple talk, all excited fun and showering love, on through the night's surprise.

Throughout the night's escapades, my sun-kissed rose appearing for one last dance. Sharing stories of adventure and mutual friends, being jokingly flirtatious forever as always. On a rocky pedestal I balance, swaying towards her then veering back, a whirlwind of lust and fear, to hint but not fall, leaving the way open for retreat. Trying to keep her from fading, exciting her, willing her to let go and lose herself in the moment. Disappearing just to reappear, finding ourselves smoking together, taking on another vice just to share something more with her, willing without a thought, to do what I resisted every other time. It sates and sets me free, a slight shock and burst, to delve further into whatever comes. Following along this drunken routine, to be with her every other chance, and with the excuse of spirits the naughtier I grow. Teasing and tickling, picking her up, spinning her round and round, even spanking her lush behind. Just enough to invite her in, and she responds so duly, but never the same. Leaning against rock, our imaginative minds dancing with the aches of others, acting them out to the secrets of our hearts, in a parallel struggle we founded. Still she confuses me so, pulls me in then pushes me back, what could be what I cannot know, a friendship or a fling. But the turn till the end brings us closer for longer, climbing back up together, riding along together, a piggyback ride to the finish line. Playing never have I ever, ever more to discover, ever more we learn we share, ever more impressive she becomes. By circumstance she shares my bed, and for a little we resist, until fright of her imminent departure hits. In a strong spell of drunken drowsiness, like a hazed dream I pull her close. "Come here." And it just happens, freefalling through the barrier of whatever we were, through to something new, yet wary of the company we share. I hold her shivering body close to mine, feel her fragile frame against my chest, cuddling away, stroking, caressing, holding her hand. "Don't go." Clutching her to me, being so close feeling so very right, my touch exploring her further, and no resistance I find. Finding that sweet spot, playing with her for what fun we can, her breathing intensifying, face crushed in ecstasy. "You like that?" She nods away, my lips against her neck, her ear, all I can reach, releasing all that passion trapped inside her as she bites back down on me. So very bad we are, so erotic she sounds, so euphoric she makes me. "I want you so bad." Erection scraping her back, whispering desires, a smile playing on my lips. But then the inevitable end arrives, so far we've pushed it, still spending our final moments together as I hold her close to me. We say farewell, a promise to meet again, kissing once, twice, three times, an end without regret, that ends so perfectly. And so my wish comes true. Yet lost I am just thinking of her now, lying in wait for a future that may or may not exist, clouded with uncertainty, hope that we can finish what we started buoying me on. My elegant rose so bright and true, I think I've only gone and lost myself inside of you.

Time spent dreaming about the future now spent contemplating the past. Such is the effect of living out your dreams.

There we are, chasing the bleeding sun into oblivion, we orbiting around such ecstatic purity, hearts ascending to the elite, all of us searching to fill the voids within each of our lives.

In such a manic world of spontaneity where little can be expected, the few constants that exist become so much more calming, so much more revitalising, so much safer, such that in that time I want them to last forever.