Capricious

65 - Costa Rica - Monteverde

"I like people who have a sense of individuality. I love expression and anything awkward and imperfect, because that's natural and that's real."
- Marc Jacobs

Soaking in the morning glow, a tropical heat enveloping the air, here I am, fallen into another world. This is something else, unlike the adventures of Peru or the wildness of Bali, it is far simpler, quieter, not an exploration of wonders or relationships, but a land of tranquility and calm, time away from my life to live just as I am.

Empowered by diving into conversations and introductions with whomever there is to play, a stream of interesting lives that have ended up here the same as me, I know how to play within these worlds, yet for some reason that disappoints me.

Up away into the highlands, up a rocky trail as winds shake us to and fro, to a world broken away hidden in the clouds, a jungle of labour and life. My hands surge through coffee beans, their roasting aroma playing by, tasks in a series of puzzles, effort exhausting me till sleep. Settling into a sea of calm, in the glorious sunshine of the day or the cool of the night, with all manner of creatures singing, in my hammock swinging.

Soaring across the canopy, a bird's eye view to forest stretching all ways, and swinging through the trees, adrenaline raging through my veins. A sense of utter freedom, pura vida, I am not afraid of anything, blooming with the ecstasy of exhilaration. Then trailing through the jungle, across the bridge from my dreams, lost within the forest in the clouds.

I know myself, organised yet laid back, appreciating everything with no consideration for disappointment, I long for any opportunity, and captain all those new to this life.

I don't like getting too comfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.

Trekking up the lava flow, rappelling down waterfalls, rafting through rapids, burning holes in my pockets as I go. Not as intense as I had thought, but enjoyable all the same. Then floating down the river, hands cradling my head, closing my eyes to the jungle sounds vibrant on both sides, free to ride along with the natural world. I play along how I can, extracting the most from what little opportunity is available in a pairing such as this, trying hard not to live in disappointment or regret, and simply be.

I'm dreaming more than ever before, on such grand scales, ideas comforted and shared that may yet change our world. That is what is born from this, from being dropped into another world, new perspectives and ideas that come with the life, solving as we go.

Living as simply, hitting restart on every aspect, to take a step back and rethink, to lose ungrateful habits and poisonous inhibitions. An environment in which to practice skills of social interaction from the start once more, and defeat anxieties that plague us in other lives, with little consequence to the ego of our minds.

This adventure, enjoyed less because I am in control, I am the one leading us through, and as such it bores me, it is all me, little new or unexpected, no originality born by diving into situations new or designed by others, it is too safe, there is no chaos here. Or else my memories are warped beyond comprehension.

My mind however lives back home, a virgin feeling to miss something so, she aches through my body all the while, now a constant I cannot let go. My feelings reach out for her, an explosion of love I had not expected at all, perhaps only from our exile, but now she is who I dream of in my free time. Together we dream of magnificent futures, the complete freedom to live as we wish, to journey as we wish, to come together as we wish, we dream dreams so spectacular and unreal, and yet with the belief that together, we can make them come true.