Capricious

34 - Erotique

"How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said."
- Victor Hugo

And then it happens, settling into her embrace, without fear, sharing secrets through till dawn. She keeps me up all night, everything I dared to want, playing together so comfortably. She is all mine.

Her delicate fingers playing with me as I play with her, she reflects back at me. She takes on all I share, devoted to pleasure, kissing her neck then she mine, biting her lip then she mine, fingers pressed into her back then mine, moaning in ecstasy all the while. And as she learns what to do, I begin to learn what I want, we experimenting in our childish and naughty ways. Our bodies as close as can be.

I've stopped thinking. My mind dies down. I'm only in the moment.

Sneaky and silly and far too flirtatious. Telling each other of our worlds and wishes and ways, all we love together, all to discover together, all to live in the moment together. Giggling at jokes, teasing and fooling around, however inappropriate. Feelings and thoughts expressed together, letting go without the slightest fear or hint of regret. Understanding, communicating, sharing. All our loveless pasts have led up to.

An array of dreams they were, now feeding through, a day with her, without the hindrance of responsibility or other souls. We are free. Snuggling through films, dancing through song, I don't mind not being alone for so long. I fear nothing with her, no persona to maintain, not anything to hide, no offence she takes. Her freckly face and cuddly physique, small mouth and smiling hazel eyes. Tendrils of fire sprouting from her crown, I explore, I caress, I clutch her to me, and she echoes just the same. Bouncing on the trampoline, lying forever in the sun. Bathing together, singing sweet melodies as we taste each other's taste in music. Lips dancing, bodies playing, fingers frolicking until she explodes in a fit of writhing and moaning and passionate orgasm. She sucks on my tongue, my neck, my ear. Such pleasure I'd never have known, staring into her elated eyes, so comfortably wrapped in her embrace. Then squeezing carefully into her, taking that which she can never reclaim, deeper, faster, harder, till she begs me for more. Again and again we fuck, switching positions again and again. She feels so good, sliding through her, pumping till the end. An endless climax takes me, excruciatingly exquisite ecstasy inside of her, a torrential eruption she breaks me with, incredible. I don't feel alone. I'm happy.

I find a scary similarity in who we appear to be. Our fragile self-esteem, our caring demeanour, our painful pasts, the anxiety that strikes us both. Together we have become smiles, adhering to routine, the strange things we do, the music we listen to. Our shared humour of pun and sarcasm, our childish love for the sweetest things. So outlandishly absurd we are, taking on the world with smiles and compliments. Everything we learn of one another, everything we do we love of one another, so much to find, so much to become. Always something to say to whatever the other says. Never embarrassed, never uncomfortable, never arguing. The bestest of friends and the sweetest of lovers.

Using practiced skills and humorous jives to set an insatiable scene. Improvising my way through obstacles of liability, prepared all the while to never miss a thing. I have all I need, my mind no longer stresses, I am free to reach a phase of ultimate self-actualisation. Juggling a handful of amusements with lush story and voluptuous games. In her appreciation I find myself bold and brash, assuredly making my mark without fear of reprisal, that underlying confidence bellowing beneath my wings. I am flying without chemicals, high above the land, with time so short that feels like forever. My mind is settled, and with it the art born from madness, but I don't mind, there is time enough, for us to rule the day.

There's this vibrancy about her I'm drawn to, the bright, bubbly, bouncy way she stumbles from adventure to adventure. She seeps into every crack within me, filling me with desire and wonderment for the madness she doesn't fear to bedazzle me with. It excites me. Yet still overshadowed like a flame to the sun, a burden of dying embers scathing from unswept corners of the dusk, playing on dark scars I can't escape, that stole true devotion from me.

The old fear of colliding worlds, that different sides of me will not agree, that conflicting stories will take charge, that I will become the villain in a war of shadowed mind. Yet I cannot recall why I feared what I feared, only that I did, only that I could not break from what I could expect, unless I had to. Now I love what I used to fear, even though I fear it still. And this is why my chest does die, why my body wishes to fall asleep, because oblivion carries with it such fear, that I may not return, that I may lose my mind, that I may lose everything.

Just that buzz, that electric between two, that only the two of you share, of being of such importance to another, it's a warmth within me, that I now can't imagine living without. Getting so used to her next to me, around me, against me. Even a paradise away I miss it. That force fighting loneliness, bundled up in a magnetic light so bright, so absorbed by her. This ignorant illusion that blinds me, that carries little when I spread it apart, when I spread my wings. It is a humiliating desperation I'm sure, but one shared at the least.