Capricious

79 - The Dancing Mage

"The conscious mind may be compared to a fountain playing in the sun and falling back into the great subterranean pool of subconscious from which it rises."
- Sigmund Freud

An organised mess of rainy blues, each hue saturated through my soul, a nebula of thoughts bound by screws, heaving for a heart buried in coal. Adventures only yearned through my submerged mind, playing tricks of grief upon it like dust, for the quintessence of my intelligent mind, getting swept up in a tormented gust. I am in turn bound by the need for control, else my senses and being start to dissolve, time quickens as I fall away from the black hole, a mind beyond ordinary destined to evolve.

Grandeur coalesces, builds dreams like volcanoes in the mind, erupting in explosions of reality, still mountains however scorched are made, with fertile lands we grow.

We princes of the high return to the world we ride, another dive into sensations we share, amidst the singing trees, an intimacy between our truest of beings. The chaos of life drifts into the background, to restore our wildest selves, ideas and creations woven and sown, adventures against the system to free our forgotten minds.

I'm the dancing mage, swaying with rhythms in the air, living stories on my stage, tales of all that's rare. With the roof closing in, nailing my body to the star, tunnels starting to thin, lost in desires to go far. Still excited by the ruse, still wandering off the edge, still afraid of having to choose, balancing on the ledge.

Drifting on, letting life play out, building where I can, as strong as I can be.

Waves throughout my soul, flowing with my brightest memories, the times to be alive, ruminating delights begging me for more. An excitement takes hold, the chaos tamed within me, maybe I am a mind broken away, yet here I reign, thriving in adventures so vibrant and rare.

I become like cream, that light drift and drip, a clear romance with time, soul growing branches like a tree. Lost in a kingdom we have raised out of sparks in days free, living out extremes in full force, breaking chains of mind to glow bright in our cave of wonder. Like stalagmites and stalactites, stretching out my body free, becoming the purest version of myself, and with it my mind shoots forth, a dancing firework.

Perspective rises like a crane, a vertical climb spreading the path of life out before me, ending in a sheer drop into absolute nothingness. Death, my one true enemy, invincible in my mortality. How can one defeat death? There is no true way, and faith while protecting us from the truth only serves to blind us. But we can give our shadow a run for its time, by living as many lives as we can within what time we have.

We are the universe trying to find balance.

Frozen in the still, mind drifting between the stories I see, dancing between possibility, the world slowing down before me. I become estranged to all, an invisible touch of omniscience, forbidden truths invading my mind, all sounds seeming like echoes. I lie escaped from emotion, from the universe crashing down upon me, consumed with existential dread, bombs falling all around. Ears ringing, mind deaf to the war within, in a shellshock to the system, and not knowing what to do.

I'm stuck, I cannot advance, I cannot learn. Fleeting ideas and thoughts with such a short life span. I cannot consolidate, cannot remember, the desire to do great things but not the will. I'm haunted by all I'm not doing, my mind a flickering bulb, anxious and afraid, that I am nothing.

Like a moth to the light, carried off into the breeze, electricity within smoke, unable to shake off the grime. Ruptures between worlds, swept up in lumbering waves, invading conflicts challenging the dawn, despite the colours in my soul. Blind to ideas that may destroy me, deaf to words that might control me, powerless to break the walls of reality, instead living within my dreams.

Lost in the embrace of magic dancing, a sprinkle of sparkle, glittery sensations flooding my mind. Whatever gloom I sleep through otherwise, whatever malice creeps through my flesh, still wonder does ignite the candles of my soul. The wax drips in scorching drops, my dreams bounce and shine, and living is the only way be free.

It's in the journey each life takes, it's in the way the sunlight plays, it's in the creatures of their own, it's in the art scattered through the streets. There is so much beauty in the world, so much beauty in living, in being in love, in friendship, and in learning. I feel so much, come to know so much, delight my senses so much, swinging between extremes of mood to realise it all. The deepness in my favourite tunes, the delectable tastes of new cuisines, the peaceful freedom of yoga in the grass, the warmth of a lover wrapped in my embrace. Life is beautiful, life is intense, life is elegant, life is everything. It is what it is, it's natural, it's all real, and whatever happens, happens.

A date with the moon, her bright sphere glowing with elegance, dashing warm spectrums of light upon her enshrouding clouds. Roots embedded in the soil, leaves fluttering about me, a silhouette against the backdrop of near infinite space. Ripples melt through the fabric of time, she draws me in with the light touch of her gravity, I bound across her face, liberated from all other life. I dance, I think, I read, talking ever to myself. I become one with time, lost in the enchantment of the universe, released of pain and fear. Conqueror of demons all, yet a sapling naive and true, I am myself.

The many journeys we are on, all threading together, playing off one another. Each balance coincides with all others, and the future is what comes out, the branches furthest from the heart of the universe. Searching ever for something new, yet with choices ever harder, barred by instinct all the while. The rules of a logical mind, thinking merely the most creative essence, seemingly apart from my grounded self. My dreams are smoke, unrealisable within the fire, moves having to build enough effect to be free beyond the simplest paths. Yet there are times I fade back to balance, disconnected from time and rule, lost in the simple desire to be part of this world.