Attitude Problem

Thirty-two

Nassiah
3 days later

        Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Creek. Pow. Pow. My fist flew into my bedroom wall not stopping, not for the pain, the blood the crack getting bigger in my wall. They weren't stopping, the anger wasn't going down and it was pointless. But I've been doing it for hours- something's gotta give. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow.  Pow. Pow. Pow. If only being heartless was as easy as it was to pretend to be. Who could want to kill Alonso? How could you? Or if not kill him shoot him? The boy doesn't do anything. Sure he can get annoying but I wouldn't really shoot him three times. The shit didn't make fucking sense. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. I would distance myself but that got me no where, but being around the boy isn't like just fucking random bitches- he reads me to much, he listens even when I think he doesn't and it always catches up- he cares. No matter how many times I fucked up he did, and although I keep surprising my feelings they aren't going away so I needed to act on them- but someone shot Alonso.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep- it didn't sit right, it didn't feel right and him not telling me who he was atleast talking to before it just all doesn't make no sense- it's pissing me off. I can't work because I'm distracted. Him trying to help me not 'go to jail' is gonna end up him getting shot again- obviously someone wants to shoot him. Not to mention his opp ass dad is in town- I'm not going near that hospital now, I'm a walking warrant for arrest every time I open my mouth. As well as I had a murder plan drawn up in my head with nobody to give it too at all. Shit pisses me off, all this extra excessive  anger in my body. This why I don't try to care for other people- fucks with you.

  Knocked out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, how ironic. I looked around at my fist than at the wall that had the blood from my fist on it- I exhaled loudly before walking to the door- fuck it. I swung it open tiredly to see Tas'hania at my door. She looked me up and down exhaled before opening her arms and I tiredly fell into them. "Why you always doing this nut shit" she finally spoke after I shut the door I waved her off and she brought me food, ehh. She saw I wasn't intrested in the food so handed me the Hennessy bottle- Tas'hania drinks dark liquor like water.

"He's not gonna tell anyone anything until you promise not to hurt anyone"

"I'm not making no promise I have no intention of even think about keeping" I added

"You know how hard it is to switch your head out of the street? Like yeah I want to kill this person too but is it logical right now?" She said I threw the Hennessy bottle at the wall and looked back at her shocked at her own words.

  "Mane get out my face with that bullshit" I said before plopping down on my couch.

    "Okay nevermind I guess we won't think logical" she said with an sarcastic tone. "I'm surprised you ain't been going to see him, he's gonna be out soon, and he's been asking bout you" I smiled a bit before sighing loudly.

"Name the last time I took someone seriously" I stated she didn't expect that so it was quiet for a moment. "Exactly you don't know, because I don't know- so that means never" I added she looked at me more intensely trying to figure out where this was going. "So now everyone wants me to man up admit to liking Alonso- that's the least of y'all worries, I don't even take myself serious- let alone life, imma fuck that boys life up- look he already got shot" I was ranting at this point but I'm glad it was just Tas'hania listening. Sure she talks a lot of shit but she never betrayed me before.

   "You think him getting shot had something to do with you?" She asked "and I don't think you'll fuck him his life" she added I knew she was trying to make me feel better but it was true, what did I really have going for me that was legal? That shop? Ha.

    "I don't know maybe, it just doesn't make any sense why someone would shoot Alonso"

  "Yeah but who knew you guys were even whatever you guys are? Me and Mac that's about it" I nodded she was true, only reason they knew is because they were plotting it the whole time. I was smart, you can't get close to someone if you fucking around in the streets  that's selfish, anyone who wants to know something wants to harm you, even a little bit will shoot your loved one- they will try to hurt you as indirectly as they can before being straight and killing you but realistically who would know I cared about Alonso? I denied it until I couldn't anymore, denied it some more than let niggas 'tell me about myself' and realistically I'm still denying it because I have no plans leaving the streets and I have no plans on bringing Alonso into the life I live either, it's just hard.

    "Wait a fucking minute" I finally said, I knew who did it. "I don't need your help,I got shit under control" I mumbled she only looked at me half ass amused probably not being as smart as me. But she was smart at figuring out what I was thinking so I had to keep her out of the loop just like I had to Alonso- only for a few days to exterminate a bug. She looked at me for a long time

"You're stressing way to much- go see Alonso, and let me fix your hands, you gotta get a punching bag, stop punching walls weirdo" she said taking my hands to see my fist, I let her for a moment until it started to sting.

"Imma see him imma see him, I gotta talk to him bout that Monse nigga he be chillen with ion like that"

"Maurice is harmless,you beat him up so why can't he be friends with him?"

"That ain't friends- that's something else and Ian like it" she started to laugh a little and that's when I was real tired of her being here.

......
This boring but it's a filler yk, and I feel like everyone just thinks Nas is an asshole but he's not so now it's bonding time ode and I can't wait .