Attitude Problem

Fifty- four

Alonso

   I should've never left him, because now here I was worrying about him more then I was before. I saw the pain and confusion reach his eyes when i said the words but we are different people. More like I needed to figure things out and didn't want to resent him because I ended up killing someone. Love was rough. I rubbed my face still not really being able to sleep much it was haunting me- the dead body, the blood the whole thing truthfully. I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to handle it. I heard a knock at the door but I didn't get up to answer it Melanie would - she's nice like that. She was giving me space surprisingly after I told her what happened. I thought she was gonna be all like I told you so but she wasn't. Her head peaked in my room and she exhaled "I got it" she muttered before disappearing down the halls

I've been thinking about reaching out to my dad- my birth father mostly because he's dealt with this before. But if my father was how he was when I left him- I didn't see that being realistic. The dudes an asshole- major narcissist and he wanted nothing more than for me to be just like him- if not better. He could have more kids for all I know he was reckless of the sorts; my mom was the only one who could hold him down really.

    Kaplink- my hand reached up towards my cheek which was just hit and my eyes narrowed in on something- someone. "What the fuck?" I muttered

  "Shut the door Marisa I'm finna holla at ya boy" Nassiah gritted at Melanie who was just now arriving to the door she gave me a glance our eyes met as I gave her a confused expression then she responded with a small shrug and shut the door her footsteps moving to down the hallway.

   "I thought you ain't fucking with me" I said lowly- I didn't think I would be seeing Nassiah to soon. Sure the shop- but he was good at ignoring me when he wanted too.

    "Don't switch shit up now- but you are still a liar; a good ass one at that" he said his finger waving around hmmm face- truthfully I thought he was going to hit me again. Honestly I was shocked I didn't lash out on him before. Now i had to just take it- I did deserve it and all.
  
   "Ba- Nassiah what are you talking about" I asked and his face came to an unreadable emotion.

   "I thought I would be the first person you tell" he whispered disappointment flooded in his eyes as he shook his head slowly. My face scrunched up the words registering with my brain then I put it together an exhale leaving my lips- Donnie.

  "I ain't want you to know" he leaned in to hit me again but I had a feeling he would so I dodged it- barely.

    "Why'd you do it? You really did that? Y'all gotta be shitten me! — what the fuck were you thinking? You wasn't that's what! Ya lost ya damn mind!" He rambled his hands waving in the air as he did. His voice remained quiet but anger was lacking through it no matter how low he was talking.

    "Bu-

"No don't even say shit! You should've been! That's why you acting all fucked up in the head— you are! Ya lost as hell and you ain't need to be" he explained in the end his eyes landed on me and my heat filled with guilt. I made a mistake.

   "You can't hel-

     "You ain't do this dumb shit for me, right?" My eyes looked away at the worse time but the conversation was one I was hoping to avoid- atleast right now or for a long long time. He flicked my ear before he sucked his teeth my eyes still looking at the floor.never do shit with Donnie.

  "If I didn't - you were gonna do it, so it ain't even a big deal"

    "It's not?" He said sarcastically. "So why aren't you eating? Or sleeping? Who you finna talk too? You should've just let me do what I do" his words left his mouth slowly- like he was trying to find the words as they left.

    "Whatever, I don't regret it". I think I really believed that because even if I never thought I would ever make that choice- I'm glad Nassiah didn't have to handle it; his dumbass would've been in jail a hot ass minute ago.

     "You do. That's your issues now- remember we friends" he spat rolling his eyes. "You are finna regret it - you don't look at yourself the same and I can see. T-that's why we ain't good for each other" he mumbled my eyes looked over at him- his bottom lip trembling. I wanted to scoop him in my arms but he just whipped his face before scooting away from me on the bed.

    "You believe that?"

"I'm finna bounce out to New York for a while" the words left his mouth confidently- as if he had already made up his mind. He can't leave-

   "Why the hell would you do that" I was originally gonna bite my tongue it wasn't really my place, but I had already been making impulse decisions.

  "Cause I gotta get my head straight and not have to worry bout you" he answered truthfully- I'm not gonna lie that shit hurt real bad.

     "So you are just gonna leave? And that's word?" His head picked up meeting me, his red eyes from smoking probably as he smelled like weed as soon as he got around the bed. He tried his best to hold his emotion but for once- it was clear. I hurt him.

   "But anyway, you get your head straight"

       "Ian wanna hurt you- I just"

"Yeah I know. You got a lot of shit going on right now- that I caused"

    "It was my choice. You ain't force me" I argued but he was stubborn he didn't even blink at  the sentence 

          "But why'd you do it?"

"Because I love you"

         "Exactly"

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BITCHHHH I was watching flavor of love - flavor flave bout ugly as hell😳😭