Shawn Mendes imagines

Depression

WARNINIG: This can be sensitive to some readers its about depression so if you don't wan tor read it then skip it :)

Shawn Pov

Yet another day of tears and hardship. I used to love going to studio meeting the fans and touring ... but now it was getting to much. My wife y/n knows about my depression and she has helped me so much. I love her but i don't deserve her. I look into the mirror and see nothing. Y/n is at work right now and won't be back until afternoon so i better do this now. if your wondering what im trying to do its... well die.

 I write a letter and put it on mines and y/n shared bed. I pick up my pin and scratch my arm. it hurts but im used to it.... this pin is sharp but won't do much harm maybe a razor will work better. I aim the razor to my chest and began to pant really hard. As i was about to stab myself, i hear the door open.

"Shawn, honey im home early, where are you?" y/n yells

I can't kill myself whilst y/n is here. Quickly I hide the razor and yell back "In the shower" so y/n knows where i am. I get in the shower and try to get rid of the mark that was on my arm from the pin.

Y/n pov

I walk into our shared room and collapse onto the bed.... I mean I deserve a rest after all the photoshoots ive had. I suddenly see a letter which reads to my beloved wife and i decided to open it and read it. This is what it said

Dear y/n I just want to let you know that I love you more than anything in the world, i love the way you laugh, the way you smile, and basically i love all of you. If you're reading this then know that my death has nothing to do with you, this was entirely my choice. You are my star my light my everything. I love you y/n and im sorry for everything. Your beloved Shawn xx

I begin to cry as i know exactly what this is about. Shawn has depression could he have died. I run to the bathroom and realise the sound of he shower had stopped. Is he dead was all i could think off. i start banging the door yelling "Shawn .... baby please open up" No reply i begin to cry heavily. Around  2 minutes later the door swings open and i pull shawn into a hug as i cry. 

"Hey baby, whats wrong" he questioned me

I found your letter.... i thought you were ... dead. i reply trying to fight back my tears. I stare into his eyes and all i could see was sadness. He trys to walk off but i stop him. "Baby, please speak to me ... is it me did i bring your depression is it my fault because if it is then i promise you i'll try and fix myself. i say between tears.

Shawn spins around and says "No honey, none of this is you, your the only thing thats gets me throught the night, its the fame the fans i worry im not good enough for them or you."

"Shawn don't you ever think that, the fans love you, and so do i ,if you think your not good enough for me then your wrong ,because your the sweetest, kindest, clumsiet guy i have EVER met and i love you for it, please if you ever feel this way speak to me or a therapist" i smile at him weakly

"What did i ever do to deserve you" Shawn says as he pulls me by my waist

"I ask myself that every day" i giggle as he pulls me into a kiss

A/n 

God im crying hard :(

This is an imagine about depression and i just wanted to say to any of my readers who are battling with this always speak to someone you can speak to loved ones, friends or even me, don't go through it alone because thats when its the hardest... anyways thanks for reading love you guys x

~ Amelia