Million Pieces °Bastille Dan°

Rise and Shine

❛ Six Months Later... ❜

"You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...you make me happy when skies are grey..." — my voice cracks up while they both look up and me and smile — "you never know how dear how much I love you...just please don't take my sunshine away" with that they look at me saddened while I wipe the tears out of my eyes.

I can't let them see me like this.

"It's okay." I say in a lightly voice while stroking Lynx's soft cheek, since he looks unhappier.

"Mamma is happy. See..." I false a smile as he then smiles, Luna does the same while I close my eyes. For a few seconds. It's truth that babies can sense everything you feel. I don't want them to grow up surrounded by negativity, but here I am crying everyday over the simplest of things. And it's not because of my hormones, whenever I cry I blame it on my 'raging hormones' but it's not. I felt this way when I wasn't pregnant.

I still feel shit. I guess...I always feel shit. Pregnant or not.

"Why are you having a mental breakdown?" I jump in shock as I turn around and see Armani standing at the door with his arms crossed over his topless body.

"Fuck off." I whisper under my breath.

"No, I won't fuck off." With that I put my hands on my hips and give him that standard, but mildly threatening 'back off bitch' pose. It doesn't work though.

Ari is way too stubborn for anything and everything.

"I'm not having a mental breakdown." I false a smile while Lynx raises his arms up towards me. He always wants my attention.

"Let me guess, your hormones?" Since Ari is the only one who doesn't have a job...means that he stays at home a lot and helps me with his cousins. I think my nephew, who I didn't really know beforehand, knows me better than my own husband.

"Yup." I blatantly lie.

Although, Ari is smart, he knows for a fact that I'm not really okay...but he doesn't question me which is nice. He doesn't force me to talk, or pretend to be my shrink. He keeps it real.

"How many months are you again?" I put a hand on my bump and shrug.

"Just turned four months." I'm bigger than I was last pregnancy. I think it's because my body is used to it.

"Why'd you ask?" I quickly add while Ari shrugs.

"Is this going to be the rest of your life...being a literal baby machine?" This is only my second pregnancy. I couldn't care less whether I become a baby machine or not, either way I feel like I have a purpose. I love being a mother and I love...not being with Dan all the time.

Is that bad?

I mean me and Dan had a job where we was with each other for the entire fucking day, that's not the most healthiest thing a relationship can go through. I feel like I'm better off without Dan's support and stuff anyway.

I'm shit being a housewife but I'm a good mamma. I know that I am.

"I heard you and Dan fighting again last night. I'm pretty sure dad slept through it." We're having marital issues and have been for a long time.

"Gi sleeps through anything. But yeah, me and Dan was having a argument. It was about Christmas. He wants to spend it around his parents house but I want all of us to go to Italy..." we have a tradition and I don't want to break it. Being home for the holidays is special. Dan see's his parents every other week, special occasion or not. The least he can do is let me have Christmas in Italy. He has New Years over here.

"He's a dick to you." I shake my head. Dan isn't a dick to me. I'm just as much as a dick to him.

I think it's because we rushed our relationship to where we are now...we're bored. We have no idea what to do and we thought this family 'dream life' would bring us closer...and it hasn't't. So we're stuck in a shitty marriage because of our kids. Everything we do or say is for them.

Did I waste my youth getting married to someone I barely knew...yes. Do I regret my kids...fuck no.

No way.

"Dan is just stressed with the messy tour and shit. He'll go back to being normal soon." Dan has random spurts. One day he is this really lovable family guy, then the next day he couldn't careless about any one's feelings and...just nasty.

"I was going to ask for relationship advice but you two hate each other." This is awkward...because I don't hate Dan. And I know that he doesn't hate me either.

"I'm pregnant with his kids...again. I can't hate the man." We only fuck because we made a deal on six kids. Six kids and the next twenty something years of being together for them...we got this.

"Then tell me how not to fuck up a new relationship. Please. I beg of you, Marzia." Ari puts his palms together while I hold the side of Luna and Lynx's cot.

"What's her name?" I smile while Ari shyly looks away. I didn't even know that he's been on the dating game let alone found someone.

"Holly..." that's such a sweet name.

"Dan you see yourself having a future with her...or is it just sex?" Ari then shrugs. God, I hope she treats him right.

"Can you just shut up and give me advice. Please...I don't want to fuck it up unlike you and Dan. I really like her." That's when I shrug.

"First things first, bring Holly to dinner tonight."