Million Pieces °Bastille Dan°

Apologies

I haven't seen Ari since dinnertime. I know that he left with Holly...to get away from me and Dan. Which is completely understandable. But I also know that he is definitely home...though he refuses to open his bedroom door.

I know that he's mad for me and Dan making Holly uncomfortable but...it wasn't exactly planned and he needs to know that I truly am sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. It kind of makes me dislike Dan even more than I already do. I'm not sure I can stand another twenty something years of this bullshit, but I want more kids since they're the only thing keeping me from ending it all.

I know my head is dark but I couldn't careless.

"Seriously, man?" I hit my forehead against the white wooden door in frustration.

"I know you're pissed off, and I understand perfectly. I'd be really fucking pissed off if you did that in front of Dan..." I mean obviously we all live together now so we know each other pretty fucking well.

Gi is the one who makes a rare occasional appearance every now and again, Ari is found playing video games or having fun with Luna and Lynx, and Dan is doing god knows what fuck knows where.

"I'm sorry for embarrassing you. Holly is such a sweet girl. I saw the way that she made you...happy..." — my voice trails off as I might as well just tell him just how observant I really am — "you're a friendly guy, your loyal and willing to do almost anything for family. But I know that behind your smiles...you're really unhappy. And I know that fact because I am too. But when I saw you look at Holly...you were the happiest human being ever. It made me feel whole. It made me feel envious." I try not to cry while I selfishly blubber on.

Knowing my luck Armani is probably passed out stone cold. Either that or he has his really cool headphones on...the ones that block the whole wide world out. I want a pair and get lost in music. But then again I won't be able to hear the kids and I'd hate myself for not giving them attention.

"I wish my husband looks at me the way you do at Holly. I wish I could be able to look at him the way Holly looks at you." I shake my head thinking about how stupid this all must sound to everyone apart from me.

"But then again I don't want to talk about my dead relationship...I ruined your night. I am a fucking bitch. And I'm so sorry" With that I sink against the back of the doorway and lean my head against the wall besides it.

"You're like a brother I never had, you know. Like a brother who is the same age as me...like a twin. You're not my nephew. You're my brother. And you look out for me, and I look out for you. And tonight...I've failed you. And it hurts. Because you're a good man." I can't physically say anything else because I'm too wrapped up in different emotions.

I hold my chest as I feel like I'm being suffocated, but I'm not. I try breathing for air but it suddenly becomes harder. Fuck-fuck-fuck.

"Marzia..." Ari opens the door while I literally fall back on the floor.

Ari dives down and hugs me. While he hugs me tightly I close my eyes and burst out crying....which is a relief since I can breathe again. "It's okay. Sorry for being melodramatic. Holly is fine..."

What a fucking relief that is.