That was the first time I'd actually said those words out loud. I braced myself for Janet's reaction, not knowing what she would think or how she may feel once she knew. What I did know, is that I wanted to be honest with her about it.
"Are you serious?" She asked and touched my face. Janet smiled, her eyes glossy with tears. I nodded and started to cry. She embraced me, holding me tight as I fell apart in her arms. "It's okay." She said as she rubbed my back.
Janet led me into the bedroom where we stretched across the bed and talked for a while.
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"I didn't know that you wanted kids." She said. "The Shawn I remember swore she never would."
I laughed.
"Well it's too late to change my mind now." I joked. "If I'm being totally honest, it was a Amelia who wanted to have children." I said. "I believe that when you get married, you give up the I's for Us. It was something that I wanted to do for her." I leaned back against the head board and touched my stomach. Janet rested her head in my lap, looked up at me and smiled. "I just found out this morning. I'm still in disbelief. Amelia and I have spent so much money trying to have a baby. All these years of with no hope and the day I decide to leave my wife..." I stopped, feeling like I was going to cry again. Janet rested my hand on her stomach as she just looked up at me. She looked worried. I knew she wanted to say something. "Say it." I said.
"I'm just wondering, do you feel like you made a mistake?" She asked fidgeting with my fingers.
"Leaving Amelia? No. I don't want to be married to someone that I can't trust, but if you're referring to my being here with you... I'm exactly where I want to be." She sat up and laid back against me, letting me wrap arms around her. I took her hand and kissed it.
"Does Amelia know?" She asked. I nodded.
"She's already making threats. She says the doctor wants to take another test to be sure.
Janet quickly sat up.
I laughed as I watched her tiny self hop out of the bed and run into the bathroom. She came out with a box that she tossed at me. "We're made for now, not tomorrow." She said smiling. "Let's do it."
"You just have spare pregnancy tests laying around the house?" I joked, waving it in the air. Janet rolled her eyes and grabbed her phone from the night stand.
"Hush up and go pee on the damn stick." She said, smacking my butt as I climbed out of bed and headed into the restroom. As I came out, Janet smiled.
"Now we wait." She said.
Janet glanced up from her phone and laughed at me as I paced in front of her bed.
"Shawn will you sit down, you're making me nervous." She said just as the timer started to go off. We glanced at each other and raced into the restroom.
