"WHY COLBY?" "I don't know..." I replied ashamed of who I'd become. He insisted I get help... I refused I didn't need help. "I'll tell the roommates" he threatened. "TELL THEM!!! Why should I care I was going to lose y'all anyway" and with that I stormed out of the house got in the car with the loopy feeling almost gone now and drove. Drove and drove. I ended up at suicide bridge, the voices weren't back but I already knew what I'd done. I lost everything my closest friends my soulmate the closest thing I had to a family.
I sat on the edge and dangled my legs crying into my hands. Then I hear a car pull up behind me and footsteps coming closer. I turn around and see Sam and Elton and Corey. Jake was in the car practically bawling his eyes out. Elton screamed "don't jump..." I got up walked closer to them and said "I wasn't going to.." surprised at my reaction Elton stutters on the words he wanted to say. I decided to say what I wanted, "I can't lose y'all I'm so sorry I'll do whatever it takes I can't lose my family. And Sam I walked over to him and held out my hand he flinched. And I started crying so hard.. he thought I was going to hurt him.
Between sobs I told him. "I'm so sorry I never deserved you and I hurt you and nothing I can do will make up for that but for fucks sake I'll dedicate my life to it... I need you I'll never forgive myself for what I did but I want you to still love me... and I get it if you wouldn't want to love a little bitch like me... If you need time I'll give it to you just-" He cut my off and looked at me in my eyes and said "I love you and forgive you I don't blame you and I will not treat you differently I might even treat you better because we will survive EVERYTHING but only if we're together."
I hugged him and walked around asking everybody else personally for forgiveness, even Jake. They each forgave me and I had to promise to never do drugs again. Of course I promised. We went home and everything was normal I didn't have a single want for drugs cause I can't lose my family. I hope I didn't do any damage to myself though I probably didn't and if I did my family will be there for me through it all. As we sit in the living room watching tv laughing occasionally and I wasn't paying attention to the movie. I looked at each of the people in the room noticing how much I loved and needed them.
Jake, so young and happy full of potential and future life he's funny and a perfect person to go to on a bad day he can make you smile through almost anything.
Corey, so peaceful and loving he cares about everybody so much and would never want anybody to get hurt he's a scaredy cat but it's just another one of his lovable qualities. He is so funny and is very good in tense situations easing up the room with each and every sentence.
Elton, he took me in when nobody wanted me I could have been a serial killer for Christ's sake. He is so protective and sweet towards me and everybody he's honestly the father figure I never had and I wouldn't trade that for anything he's funny, great and his little mischievous laugh will NEVER cease to be perfect.
Circa, being cute and sweet as always.
And, Sam... he- he's- everything to me words can't express what he does to me everything I do the reason I breathe is for him I'll take any pain just to keep him happy he's my everything. As I was examining him he looks at me his electric blue eyes zapping my soul. "Little girl little girl you should close your eyes that blue is getting me high" I whisper in his ear quoting a song called- comment down below and I'll give you a shout out He giggles and rests his head on my shoulder. He is my only drug.
